I have this colorful pile of moleskin journals stacked just about everywhere. By my bed, on my desk, in my purse, in the van and probably in a bag that I have yet to unpack.
I always privately joke that the day I go to live with Jesus, my poor family will have a years worth of work piecing all of my words together as I would scratch them out here and there and then stop. Moving on to the next one.
It is not that I don’t have complete thoughts. Or that I have filled my journals.
I begin writing with a passion and a pulse from heart and as soon as I get paragraphs deep, I stop. And those words never amount to any thing other than scribble on a page.
Because, who will understand? Are my ideas silly, or unwanted? Will I be judged by the place that my words will take me. Should I keep them quiet or press them onto a larger page or platform?
Questions that we might be asking ourselves on repeat.
When you play doubt over and over in your mind, all of your passion will be like withered grass. In the wind.
Doubt will stop you in your tracks and you will change the color of your pen.
In the small of my writing place, where I have gathered my favorite things, and I sit in the middle of paper piles and colored pens, I write and plan and feel led in the calling God has on my life.
But days or late nights have come and gone where my husband has approached me with concern. He can see it before I am aware of the ugly work doubt is having on my life.
I’ve had my hand on the delete key so many times, that I am ashamed to say, I stopped hearing God.
Because stress, deadlines, people and the enemy can press doubt in like no other vice.
I was ready to take down my blog. For good.
I was ready to cancel the Generational Conference. Forever.
I was ready to put my kids in school.
I initially declined my agents request to sign.
Ready to delete all Social Media accounts.
And wishing to throw in the towel on my motherhood, the speaking requests and the book proposal.
Right there, hovering over the delete key for all of the above. And my husband could see that doubt had made its way past the truth and the calling.
Remember the truth about His calling on your life. It will not be easy.
Discard Doubt. Read, Recall, Repeat the truth. It will set you free.
When we delete the very things we were called to do, because doubt has crept into the sacred and holy space that God has called us unto, then we’ve allowed our confidence to be shaken.
Where you have peace and confidence in your calling, doubt cannot run you dry.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
Press your pen to the paper and your passions to the Cross and let Him live in and through you.
Do not let doubt run you dry. You have been chosen for a perfect plan. I believe this.