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the changing landscape of friendship

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the landscape of friendship

My 20 year high school reunion is this year. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed! The reunion happens to be the same weekend as Allume, so I won’t be attending, but it’s made me think back to my high school years.

In “those days” we didn’t have social media. Friendships looked different. And to be honest, making friends didn’t always come easily for me.

If you had told me back then that I would meet some of my closest friends on something called Twitter, I would have laughed.

If you had told me I would get on a plane to attend a blogging conference and share a hotel room with someone I had never even met in real life, I would have said you were out of your mind. I mean, what if she turned out to be a psychopath? (In case you’re wondering, she wasn’t. 🙂 )

Social media has changed the landscape of friendship. It has enabled us to connect with others far away who share common interests and goals. There’s no doubt that God can use the online world to build real connections.

It’s also created a world where you can call a complete stranger, “friend.” And that’s a funny thing. Sometimes I wonder if that cheapens the meaning of the word. But on the other hand, what if we treated everyone online with the honor and respect we would treat a friend?

I’m not saying we’re called to be friends with everyone (Proverbs 12:26, Proverbs 22:24-25), or that we are supposed to agree with everyone. But I wonder what would happen if we treated each other online with the same dignity and care we show to those we see face to face on a regular basis, whether they deserve it or not? I think we’d see less disagreements and a lot more love.

We’re called to love everyone as Jesus loved. There’s a deeper level of friendship though, that the Lord builds for His purposes. When He is at the center of it … it’s something lasting. And it’s those friendships we need to watch for and cultivate the most, whether they happen online or in person.

 “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.“

– Romans 15:5-6 (NIV)

crossing over

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crossing over

I don’t like wobbly bridges. The ones that swing are just the worst. I prefer solid ground underneath my feet. But when I look across to the other side of a bridge, the anticipation of something unknown pushes me out, step by step.

A bridge is a narrow place … most are anyway. It’s in that place of confinement that we find ourselves able to walk where there was no way before. So why is it so easy to feel insecure on a bridge, when its entire purpose is to provide a safe means of crossing over?

Even if the bridge doesn’t wobble, there’s still a sense of uncertainty about the whole thing. After all, it is joining two places that weren’t even connected before, and there’s so much emptiness underneath.

I think it’s the crossing over part that’s tough—the time in between leaving what’s familiar and reaching the new, when you’re neither here nor there. All sorts of emotions rise to the surface in the in-between, and most of them are related to fear.

You know what I think is worse than all the fears? Regret. The kind you feel later in life when you realize you should have been braver in a particular moment. That you should have found the courage to step across into something different.

I believe most of us are standing at some sort of bridge. It looks different for each one of us. What’s yours?

The opportunity to love your neighbor, even when it’s hard?

The moment to walk out a dream you’ve nurtured for years?

Or maybe it’s the yearning in your heart to surrender more fully to God?

“But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river. But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge Builder.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I want to choose courage. And I want you to choose it too.

You won’t really know what’s on the other side until you cross over.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

limits

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Everyone has limits. And it's okay. www.allume.com

We’re wrapping up our theme for the month of March: FOCUS.

For me, this one definitely hits close to home. What about you?

Let’s be honest. The online world is noisy, and I don’t see it getting quieter anytime soon. Don’t get me wrong, some of the noise is good. Really, really good. And some of it is downright ugly. Regardless, we all have a capacity limit, and when that limit is exceeded, it can be almost impossible to maintain focus.

I know … I don’t like being told I have limits either. When someone tells me I can’t do something, there’s a little part of me that just wants to prove them wrong. Of course I can make it work, right?  Yeah, maybe not. I’ve learned that one the hard way too many times.

For someone who teeters on the line between introvert and extrovert, being thrown head-on into this world of blogging and social media has threatened to turn me into a hermit. The pressure to be everywhere all at the same time and be awesome at it all is huge, particularly if you’re like me and your business depends on it.

Being online can teach you a lot about yourself if you let it.

I’ve found there’s a direct correlation between how well I manage my online life and how well I am able to stay focused on the things that are most important to me. Everything affects everything else. I can’t do it all. I can’t even do as much as many of the people I see around me. That can be a hard pill to swallow, but at the same time, it’s incredibly freeing.

My heart’s cry for this season of life is for simplicity. I’m still learning what that looks like for me. I talk to Phil a lot about tiny houses, but I know that isn’t the answer. It’s more about understanding my limits and learning to exercise the self-discipline needed to function well within those limits, rather than trying to push the boundaries every second of every day to measure up to what I feel like The Internet  expects of me. I’m taking baby steps.

You may have the capacity to be an Instagram Queen. (If you do, I love looking at your amazing photos!) I know I don’t … even the thought of it is just too exhausting … so I’m not going to try to be one.

Sometimes I just delete my Facebook app from my iPhone. It’s incredibly freeing, and the world doesn’t stop. After a while I usually add it back again, until I find myself looking at it too much. Then away it goes.

There are times and seasons. It’s okay to pull back from something to focus on another thing for a while. I’m learning to see when I need to pull away, and it’s amazing the focus that comes when I do.

We all have limits.

And it’s okay.

Accepting that doesn’t make you less valuable. It’s about understanding how God made you. He didn’t mess up. The way you’re wired isn’t some cosmic mistake. We’re all unique and wonderfully made.

You don’t have to be like anyone else. It shouldn’t be a contest. If you feel like it is one, it’s probably time to take a break and re-evaluate.

Just be you. Authenticity is so valuable. We need more of it. We need you.

 

focus banner

If you missed any of the Focus-themed posts here at Allume, I encourage you to go back and read them. There’s some great stuff here:

Blessings,

Erin

www.erinulrich.com

declutter (your blog, not your house)

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declutter your blog - allumeFor quite a while now, I’ve noticed a trend among bloggers, especially those who have been blogging for a few years. And though I don’t really blog regularly, I feel it too. It’s a desire to simplify, to get rid of the clutter. The online world can get pretty noisy after a while.

This expresses itself in different ways. For some, it means decluttering their home or cutting out particular social media outlets or setting aside a day of the week for an internet sabbath. There are many personal changes we can (and often need to) make in our own lives to create a more peaceful environment.

But today, let’s talk about your online home … your blog or website.  Take off your “blogger” hat for a few minutes, and pretend it isn’t your blog at all. It’s someone else’s, and you just stopped by for the first time.

Clutter is the enemy.

In real life, I’m not a very neat and tidy person. I wish I was, believe me. But truthfully, I pile all sorts of papers on my desk … on the desk itself, on top of the printer (yes, this makes it harder to make copies, but if you lift the lid just right while holding onto the papers on the top, you can slide the paper in and make it work) …  the list goes on. Sometimes the situation on my desk get so out of control that the stack of papers avalanche right off the desk and into the trash can. Just being transparent here. If you don’t believe me, just ask @philulrich. The poor guy has to share an office with me.

It happens gradually though. My desk doesn’t go from being neat and clean to piles of paper horror in an instant. The same is usually true of blogs. You start out with only the necessities, and end up with much, much more. It’s the nature of the beast. Platforms like WordPress (and others) have made it so easy for us to add items to a sidebar, a navigation menu, and the area below each post. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.

But don’t forget, clutter is the enemy.

If left unchecked, the very tools that make blogging today more rich and effective can overrun your site. What happens then? Your content gets lost in the shuffle.

How sad is that? Someone arrives at your site for the first time, and she really can’t find what she is looking for. Or maybe she isn’t looking for anything in particular. She just wants to know what your site has to offer. After a few seconds … yes, that’s about all you have to capture her attention … or maybe a few minutes (if she’s incredibly persistent and her baby doesn’t start crying), she clicks away, because there was so much “stuff” on the site that she felt overwhelmed.

It’s never too late.

When it comes to clutter, there are four “problem areas” on most blogs. So let’s spend a few minutes talking about those and what you can do to clean them up.

navigation menus

It’s easy to start adding items to your menu. Maybe your theme or template even does it automatically when you create a new page. Take a look at what’s there. The goal here is to get rid of all but the essentials. What those essentials are will be different for each site. Here’s a couple that are a must, in my opinion:

  • about
  • contact

In addition to those two, you may want to feature a couple of key blog post categories, or your store, or a page about speaking. It’s up to you. Just make sure what you have in the menu is important enough to be there. Unnecessary menu items just make it harder for the reader to find what they need.

sidebars

Your sidebar is likely the biggest contributor to blog clutter. Add a widget for this, a widget for that, and you end up with a great big mess. Again, the question is, what really needs to be here? It might include:

  • social media icons
  • your photo and a very short blurb linking to your about page
  • search
  • email subscription option
  • ads
  • recent posts
  • post categories
  • recent tweets
  • Facebook or Google+ widget
  • Pinterest widget

That’s a pretty long list, so you really need to consider what is vital for your particular blog.

A few years ago, it was very popular to have all your friends’ blog buttons in the sidebar. These days, not so much. If you still have a large number of buttons in the sidebar, consider removing almost all of them. There may be a couple that really serve a purpose, but odds are, most (if not all) of them really need to go.

after post area

There are really only three things I would recommend putting at the bottom of your posts:

  • social sharing buttons
  • one call to action (this might be an option to subscribe to your blog or an ad for your latest ebook)
  • author  bio box (if you’re the only person who writes on your blog, this probably isn’t even necessary)

footer

The footer area can kind of become the catch all for items you don’t want in your sidebar. Don’t let this happen! Jennifer at Bourn Creative has written an excellent article on ways to use your footer area most effectively. I highly recommend you taking a few minutes to read it.

It’s time.

Cleaning up those four areas of your site will make a huge difference in a reader’s experience. Remember, your blog is your online home, and you want them to feel comfortable.

Hop over to your blog now and take a fresh look. While you’re doing that, I’ll be here cleaning off my desk.

morning

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The Growly Books Map

Sometimes when you feel that yearning to try something new, you know it’s going to cost you something. You know that once you take that first step—really it’s more like a leap—there’s no way you can stop until you reach the end. And it can be scary. Especially if it’s something you’ve never done before.

But there’s that knowing inside that it’s right. That the idea, the timing, and the way forward all line up. So you take the leap. You hope you don’t crash. You decide you don’t want to stand there wondering about the what if’s anymore. You try.

Today, I’m sitting here looking at three books stacked on my table. Phil and I decided to move forward with The Growly Books almost two years ago, and with the release of the third book, Morning, today, it feels kind of surreal.

And Allume, I just have to say, “Thank you.” Because many of you in this community have encouraged us and cheered us on over the past year. And we appreciate you more than words can say.

The Growly Books

So today I’m wondering. How many of you have a dream, an idea, a possibility that you just can’t let go of? I’m not just talking about books. It might be anything.

If that’s you, be encouraged today. And if you know God is leading you into something new, don’t be afraid to try.

Over at The Growly Books, we’re celebrating the release of Morning with some fun surprises on our website this week, including autographed books and free printables. And, for those of you who haven’t started reading The Growly Books, we are offering the first book, Begin, free for Kindle for just three days (June 10-12). It’s a great way join the adventure, and we’d love it if you’d help us spread the word on whatever social media you like to use (click here to tweet about it)!

 

design is only skin deep

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design is only skin deep - allume

I thought long and hard about what to share with you in this post, my first on the Allume blog. I’ve been part of the Allume community since the first year of Relevant, when some incredible blogging friends I’d never even met in real life surprised me with a ticket and hotel room for a conference I had only dreamed of attending.

That seems like ages ago. And now I’m on the schedule to write something techy or designy to help you become a better blogger. Only I’m struggling to find the right place to start.

Because at the end of the day, design isn’t the most important thing.

I know you’ve heard that before … but you may not have expected to hear it from me. Phil and I have built a business around quality design and solidly developed sites. So you know it matters to me. I want the whole internet to be beautiful—I truly do. But you can spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on your blog and still fall incredibly short. Because really, it’s the foundation of things that’s the most important, and I’m not talking about what blogging platform you use.

Most of us in the Allume community spend a lot of time at this online, blogging, social media thing. It’s easy to see the stream flowing by and jump in with both feet. Sometimes we don’t even know where we want it to take us. Other times, we know where we want to go but get a little lost along the way. It can get overwhelming and hectic and loud. Maybe you feel it, too. Or maybe you’re swimming so hard and fast you haven’t even noticed.

Can you relate?

If you do, just pause with me for a minute. Whether you’ve been blogging for a 5 minutes or 5 years, it’s so worth it to take some time to talk to the Lord about your blog. Ask Him for His perspective. He’s such a good Father, and if we ask for wisdom, He will give it (James 1:5). Maybe the answers will confirm what you’re already doing, or maybe they will be a surprise that requires you to make a change. Either way, find peace in knowing why you’re spending the time and effort you do in building your blog. Don’t be afraid to step out of the stream for a season if you need to get clarity. It’s a lot easier to find your place in that fast-flowing stream when you know who you are and what you’re doing there.

And the good news is that having clear direction and purpose is an important first step when you’re considering what you want your blog to look like. Design tells a story, and you need to know what the story is to implement an the right look and feel on your site. This is true whether you’re designing your own site or hiring someone else to do so.

Here are some questions to consider:

  • Can you clearly communicate your blog’s purpose?
  • Does the look and feel of your site fit with this purpose?
  • Does your writing clearly communicate the message?
  • Does your site feel clean and fresh, or is it so cluttered that your content doesn’t have room to shine?
  • When a person visits your site for the first time, what is their initial impression? (You’ll need to ask someone else to answer this one!)

If the answers feel discouraging, start with some small, doable steps. Don’t feel the pressure to fix everything at once. We’re all in the process of learning as we navigate this blogging journey.

A solid design and well laid out site go a long way when it comes to attracting and keeping readers. We all want our blogs to function well and be easy to navigate. These are all things to work on improving. But most importantly don’t forget to have clear understanding of your purpose, lay a solid foundation, and build quality content that communicates your message, because a blog design really is only skin deep.

some journeys start with a leap …

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reading_together

Some journeys start with a leap . . .

Writing The Growly Books has been that kind of journey for us. The story of Growly and his friends came to life in the early morning hours, during stolen daytime moments, and late into the night. Like many stories, it started with just a tiny piece, an idea for one little scene. It has been exciting to see Growly’s adventure get bigger and bigger, stretching beyond just a single book. We feel like we have been on the adventure with him, with ups and downs and scary moments, and the Lord has taken us on a journey through the process. It’s been a process of faith—stepping out into the unknown at times to see a dream come to life.

The Growly Books are a story for the whole family. Our heart was to see the books as a place for families to gather together, spend time reading, and share an innocent, hope-filled adventure. When book one was released in the spring, we saw this very thing happen. It’s still happening now, as Kristen Welch wrote about on her blog just yesterday.

About the story:

For centuries the bears of Haven have lived quiet lives, high in the mountains at the edge of the great Precipice. That all changes for a young cub named Growly when he receives a mysterious message. With just his backpack and glider, Growly sets out on a desperate journey to find his grandfather’s long lost friend . . . and to find a way back home. Begin is the first book in The Growly Books series. Written for the 8-12 year old reading level, it is also a captivating read aloud for younger children and will appeal to anyone who appreciates stories of adventure and friendship.

Here’s what others have said about the first book in the series, Begin:

“I love it.  Absolutely love it! The Growly Book’s first installment, Begin, smacks of friendship, family, adventure, and the knowledge that oftentimes the best moments in life are the things to come that we can’t quite imagine. My kids begged for “just one more chapter” each time we opened the pages. Delightful in every way, Growly is already carving his place into history alongside other classic children’s tales. For Phil and Erin Ulrich, this truly is the beginning, and we cannot wait to follow along!”

~ Logan Wolfram, Owner of Allume Media and Writer atLife for Dessert

“The very first night I started this book with the boys, it received the highest compliment it can get from them: ‘Keep reading, Mommy! And that went on chapter after chapter until we had read for much longer than any of us had planned! The characters, the setting, the adventure – we are all enthralled and can’t wait for more!

~ Erin Mohring, Co-Founder of The M.O.B. Society and writer at Home with the Boys

“This morning I overheard my eight year old son excitedly telling the other all about Growly and his first journey. I know this is meant to be a children’s book, but I also found myself turning the pages faster and faster as the bear’s adventure continued. Our family can’t wait for book two!”

~ Jamie Martin, Steady Mom and Simple Homeschool

Book two, Widewater, is in the final stages of production and will officially release in November. The series will be a trilogy, with potential plans for more books beyond that.

We are so excited to be a sponsor of Allume this year, and we look forward to seeing many of you there. In the meantime, stop by our website, The Growly Books, to learn more.

the growly books

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