I constantly am a victim, in my own head (and {ahem}…as told to my husband in the quiet of our own home).
I constantly am more tired than anyone else.
I constantly am busier than everyone else.
I constantly am more stressed than anyone else.
I always am the worst at this or that.
I constantly am “struggling” with something (I use that word all the time).
Through my eyes, this life I live is rough; no… it’s the worst, most difficult, challenging life EVER! (dramatic much?).
I’m constantly in the muddy “pit of destruction” in my own mind.
This dramatic pattern in my thinking started in my middle school years. I was never very good at math, so my Engineer father became my tutor. Despite all of his wonderful qualities, a fitting tutor for his daughter wasn’t necessarily his best or easiest role. He and I are very similar; temper and all. Without fail, within 10 minutes into our tutoring session I would be in tears screaming, “I can’t do this! My life is over! I’m going to fail out of school!” Sadly, this routine continued all the way through high school. Confession: there *may* have been a few tutoring sessions through college as well {clears throat}, but I digress… Did I fail out of school? No! Did I even come close to failing? No! But I learned a pattern…when something doesn’t go my way I break down and tell myself, “This is it. My life is over. I’m going to fail!”
Most people in my life don’t see this side of me. But it’s there. It’s right under the surface of my smiling face and bubbly personality. I can go from happy-go-lucky to my-life-is-the-worst in one second flat.
I’m not proud of my behavior, but I’ve recently spoken with some women who confess they live as a constant “victim” in their own minds as well.
Why? Why do some of us find solace in playing the victim? Why do we seek to classify ourselves as the worst, ugliest, fattest, most hopeless person in the room? Why do we like to hangout in this low place, why do we like to hangout in the mud? We could chalk it up to hormones, but let’s be honest, that’s just an excuse!
At some point in our lives we learned that we would get the response we wanted by playing the victim.
As a middle school math student, I learned that when I reacted this way, my father’s escalating anger would slowly dissipate into the type of attention I wanted; compassion and love. He would simmer down to the snuggly Dad I wanted. In those one-on-one tutoring sessions with my Dad I ended up with what I really desired; not his help with my homework, but his love and attention.
So why do I continue to play victim? Why do I consistently put myself in a downward spiral towards life-is-overness?
Simply put; I get something out of it. I feel good in that “pit” (even though I know a muddy dress isn’t very classy…).
Maybe I feel good in the pit because the only way out is up? Or maybe I feel good in that pit because it’s an excuse not to step out in faith, to face challenges? Maybe I like being in that pit because it’s a place where I’m “in control”? Maybe I like being in that pit because that’s where I receive compassion and love from those around me? Maybe I like being in that pit because I like being covered with dirt and having something to hide behind?
Why do you end up in that “pit”?
Why do you allow yourself to spiral downward?
Where or from whom did you learn this behavior?
If you have trusted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, you need not fear. He has already conquered that pitiful place for you. He died and rose again so that we do not have to go there. We can live in peace and joy knowing that our lives are in the hands of our Almighty God. Whatever challenges we face, we face with Him, who is our shield and strength. The pit is lonely and depressing; and the kind of attention we seek can only be fulfilled in the arms of our Savior.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord”
– Psalm 40: 1-3
He has already redeemed us from that low place; we do not need to return. We are not victims, but rather Daughters of the One True King. Let’s walk with our shoulders straight, our heads held high, and our dresses clean—let’s not return to the pit, for our dresses look better without the mud!