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When the Rejection of a “NO” Feels Like the End

By

AllumeMayThe email came on a Friday afternoon–an email I’d been waiting on for over a month…

The email that would hold the answer to a dream I’d been nurturing for some time, and the answer would be a simple yes or no.

When I saw it arrive in my phone’s inbox, I halted mid-stride in front of the light-filled window. And plopping myself onto the couch in the middle of the room, I took a long deep breath and clicked it open.

And it didn’t take long for me to read the answer.

This time, the answer was no.

I’d been talking with God about the possible answer for over a month. We’d been hashing things out, Him and I. And I thought I’d reached a conclusion which had me settled and stable:

He was in control, and the answer I’d get would be from Him, not from them.

I’d purposed my heart to surrender to whatever it was He’d give, whether it be a yes, or a no.

The email was full of grace, insulated with words of affirmation and cushioned with kindness. But no matter the graciousness of the no, the fact remained that the yes I’d dreamed of, would not become reality. And insulated or not, the dream-spaces of my heart felt the sting.

We’ve all had hard no’s…

Relationship no’s.

Financial no’s.

New endeavor no’s.

No’s are strangers to no one.

And neither are the real and deep feelings of rejection that come with them. Even when a “no” may be best.

The rejection of a “no” often feels like the end. [Tweet that]

And receiving a “no” ignites a grieving of sorts–a letting go of what could have been, with an acceptance of what will never be. At least not how we’d dreamed.

Grieving is hard work.

And grieving is a valley experience, the exact opposite of a mountaintop.

Earlier in May, we went miniature golfing for my son’s tenth birthday. I was last getting out of the car. And as I approached the entrance I couldn’t miss the beautiful tree ahead of me.

It was full of yellow spring blossoms contrasted against the bluest sky.

I stopped.

And I stared.

The yellow on blue was stunning.

flowers250 Yellow flowers150

Later I learned why the view stopped me in my tracks: yellow and blue are complements on the color wheel, opposites.

And opposites contain a tension that holds our eyes–a tension that makes us stop and pay attention. If blended together, they make gray–a neutral, uninteresting, and lifeless color. But side by side, in their brightest form, they create a tension our eyes can’t help but notice–a tension we’re drawn to, stunned by, and crave again and again.

Mountaintops and valleys are opposites, and one can’t exist without the other.

Without a valley, a mountaintop would simply be flat, like a plain. And while that plain would have less pain and adversity than a valley, there’d also be no invigorating view either.

Sometimes a “no” is not the end, but the beginning of a yes from God. [Tweet that]

It’s an invitation to start in the valley, and begin the climb TO the mountaintop, with Him.

That “no”, which plummets us to our valley beginning, grabs our attention because of the tension–a tension that stuns us and holds us. Making us take notice, and driving us toward God.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV)

May we be a people who surrender to our no’s, embracing with joy the beginnings they bring.

Because sometimes a “no” really is a yes from Him–a yes to begin the climb.

And you know what, friend?

He promises to be with us every step of the way.

 

What “no” have you experienced?

In what way was it actually a beginning?

 

Comments

  1. Yes I too know the “no” you are writing about…and it did hurt, their was grieving yes…but ultimately I came away believing that wasn’t the place God wanted me for now. Maybe never – I don’t know…but it is ok. I am confident that the “yes” will be in His time, His plan for me and I can rest in that. Wonderful post friend!! Kristin

  2. Oh my! As a grandma I SAY no so much… But try to say YES to even it out too!! 🙂

    Of course, I have HEARD the “no’s” of disappointment too… Career doors closed, medical news, finances and triable plans… In prayer too… But I take the “no’s” as His will directing mine, always praying “Your will be done…”. And it is.

    Love the post!!

  3. Mine was more rejection than a no really..My teen daughter and I were displaced from where we were living, and ultimately God moved us to another state for more stability and less negativity. But in that move we felt abandoned as a family member rejected us, and then people in our church abandoned us before and after we moved..I had lost my job, coudnt get another one, my teen daughter started having stomach issues due to the stress of our environment and how people were being…Im currently in college, never been on drugs and no alcohol problems. Have been single for 9 years, and my daughter is an A-B honor roll student with a great heart and no behavior issues, so the reasons of what was happening to us made no sense..We have chosen however after a very long year to accept that God moved us from one very bad situation and some toxic relationships to a place where we have been loved and accepted exactly as we are, have found a great church family and my daughter is more happier here than she was where we were previously. So the NO’s were more God shutting the door on relationships that we thought were important that in reality where unhealthy for us both and brought us to a place where we are more happier, more stable and better spiritually and created a testimony of us being able to forgive and love in spite of rejection and betrayal and us learning how to be better people as well. Thank you for your post…definately a reminder that what may seem like a bad thing can be found to be much better than we could have ever realized…God’s no’s arent always bad..they can sometimes be for a much better yes!!!

    • Yes! And in His graciousness He often allows us to see how our “no” becomes the beginning of a wonderful “yes”. So thankful for that!

  4. I love the Lord for leading me here today. A recent rejection hurt more than I thought it would and I wanted to write about it but couldn’t. And you’re right that no led to other things. More than anything, I’m happy I tried. Your words are a balm. Thank you.

    • Feeling that balm with you Lisha, as I hash out words to my own heart–words that I believe. And I’m so thankful God used them for your heart today too. Much love to you friend.

  5. Thank you Jacque, for the reminder that a no from “them” isn’t a no from “him”. And that his no’s for us are just a beginning. The mountain can’t exist without the valley. Yes!

    • From Him. Yes. ALL things are from Him and through Him and TO Him…All are beginnings WITH Him, whether on a mountain, in a valley, or somewhere in between!

  6. Uh oh. Not sure if my reply went through. I wanted to thank you for this post. Someone tweeted it, and that is how I cam here. I was really blessed by your words especially this “He was in control, and
    the answer I’d get would be from Him, not from them.”

    I really appreciated your whole perspective. Thank you. I needed this today.

  7. Jacque, I read this post just minutes after it went live and tried to comment at the time, but it would not go through. I just wanted you to know how much of a HUGE encouragement it was. Your words were such a balm. And such a reminder that every good gift is from Him and that even the “no’s” are a gift of His protection and grace. Thank you so much for sharing.

    • A gift and a balm, yes. And isn’t that what reorienting to truth does? As we abide in His Word and His Way, we are reminded of truth, and that truth sets us free. So glad it encouraged us both! xo

  8. This is beautiful, Jacque. It can be so hard to hear those no’s. And yet–it is so often in the middle of that disappointment that God whispers His comforting truths to me. Thank you for this encouraging reminder.

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