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I remember when I first started running.
Actually it was mostly walking with a few random spurts of jogging. I would keep my eyes focused on the ground ahead of me, slightly embarrassed by how blatantly obvious it had to be to my neighbors that I was not a real runner.
Just a wannabe.
Many times I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. I slowly worked my way up to running 3 miles without stopping, and then up to 6, and eventually 11. I even found the confidence to venture out of my neighborhood and join the real runners on the popular running and biking trail across town.
The thing is, I still feel like a wannabe runner.
When I cross paths with other runners in my neighborhood or on the trail, I just assume that they have been running for years and have completed several races. I assume that running comes naturally to them, that it isn’t something they have to work at.
I wonder if they know that I’m just a wannabe. That I’m not very disciplined. That right now, I am struggling to just get out the door.
Then I remember that I don’t actually know their story and that they could just as likely feel the same as me.
I remember that it is simply the act of running that makes me a real runner.
For me, blogging has been a lot like running.
Three years ago, I gazed out the window of my computer screen and saw the bloggers passing by, and thought, I want to be one of them.
I started a little blog and began writing about this and that, trying to find my voice and figure out who I was as a blogger and a writer. Head down, I kept to myself, quietly tapping away at the keys.
I slowly gained confidence and began venturing out of my little blogging neighborhood to join the real bloggers out on the trails.
I joined over 1200 bloggers writing for 31 days in October. I attended Allume and met some amazing ladies. I was invited to join a blogging mastermind group. And now, here I am, writing a blog post for the Allume blog.
The thing is, I still feel very much like a wannabe.
Someone who still struggles to get the words just right. Someone who can’t seem to find the time and the self-discipline to write. Someone who is always in the middle of a blogging identity crisis.
I see other bloggers and just assume it all comes so much easier to them. That the self-discipline is there and the beautiful words just flow. But then one of them will open up and share a bit about her struggles and insecurities as a writer and a blogger, and I will breathe a bit easier knowing that I’m not alone.
And so I keep at it. I lace up my blogging shoes a few days a week and I do this blogging thing.
Because blogging is what makes me a real blogger.
It’s the act of doing it day after day, week after week. And knowing that no matter how long I do it, no matter how many comments or retweets or Facebook likes I get, I will always struggle with a bit of insecurity. It’s part of the package of putting myself out there on a regular basis.
So to all you fellow bloggers on the trails, I offer you a passing smile and a nod of encouragement.
Because you and me. We’re as real as it gets.
Amanda
Most days you will find Amanda at home with her two little boys, reading good books and making messy art. Other days you will find them all at the church while she works alongside her husband in their ministry to the next generation. Her blog is the place where you will find her sharing her thoughts, reflections, and experiences – a little glimpse into the story the Father is writing out on the pages of her life.
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