allume

real light living

When You Feel Like a Wannabe

By

shutterstock_107814287 (1)

I remember when I first started running.

Actually it was mostly walking with a few random spurts of jogging. I would keep my eyes focused on the ground ahead of me, slightly embarrassed by how blatantly obvious it had to be to my neighbors that I was not a real runner.

Just a wannabe.

Many times I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. I slowly worked my way up to running 3 miles without stopping, and then up to 6, and eventually 11. I even found the confidence to venture out of my neighborhood and join the real runners on the popular running and biking trail across town.

The thing is, I still feel like a wannabe runner.

When I cross paths with other runners in my neighborhood or on the trail, I just assume that they have been running for years and have completed several races. I assume that running comes naturally to them, that it isn’t something they have to work at.

I wonder if they know that I’m just a wannabe. That I’m not very disciplined. That right now, I am struggling to just get out the door.

Then I remember that I don’t actually know their story and that they could just as likely feel the same as me.

I remember that it is simply the act of running that makes me a real runner.

For me, blogging has been a lot like running.

Three years ago, I gazed out the window of my computer screen and saw the bloggers passing by, and thought, I want to be one of them.

I started a little blog and began writing about this and that, trying to find my voice and figure out who I was as a blogger and a writer. Head down, I kept to myself, quietly tapping away at the keys.

I slowly gained confidence and began venturing out of my little blogging neighborhood to join the real bloggers out on the trails.

I joined over 1200 bloggers writing for 31 days in October. I attended Allume and met some amazing ladies. I was invited to join a blogging mastermind group. And now, here I am, writing a blog post for the Allume blog.

The thing is, I still feel very much like a wannabe.

Someone who still struggles to get the words just right. Someone who can’t seem to find the time and the self-discipline to write. Someone who is always in the middle of a blogging identity crisis.

I see other bloggers and just assume it all comes so much easier to them. That the self-discipline is there and the beautiful words just flow. But then one of them will open up and share a bit about her struggles and insecurities as a writer and a blogger, and I will breathe a bit easier knowing that I’m not alone.

And so I keep at it. I lace up my blogging shoes a few days a week and I do this blogging thing.

Because blogging is what makes me a real blogger.

It’s the act of doing it day after day, week after week. And knowing that no matter how long I do it, no matter how many comments or retweets or Facebook likes I get, I will always struggle with a bit of insecurity. It’s part of the package of putting myself out there on a regular basis.

So to all you fellow bloggers on the trails, I offer you a passing smile and a nod of encouragement.

Because you and me. We’re as real as it gets.

Always,

Amanda

Comments

  1. Yes! We are all in the beautiful trenches behind these computer screens, sharing with the world what God is speaking to our hearts. Loved this post, Amanda. You are NOT a wannabe. You are the real deal!

  3. Thank you especially especially for describing yourself as “someone who is always in the middle of a blogging identity crisis.” You made me laugh at my computer screen, and later my husband will laugh when I share this with him. Let’s just say that he knows someone like this.

    Thank you so much for your honest words.

    • I am slowly learning to not worry so much about genre and niche, and just follow my heart as the Holy Spirit leads and write out of the season of life I find myself in…

  4. My favorite line is blogging is what makes you a blogger. It isn’t traffic or being invited to be part of a mastermind group. And beyond that, if God says you’re a blogger, that’s what you are. It’s like Gideon being called a mighty warrior sometimes, but God knows the truth about who we are.

  5. Amanda Darlin’…Thank You. I am overcome & undone. As Christie wrote, “You are the real deal.” All I can say out of the storm inside me is: You got the words “Just Right”. God spoke loud & clear.
    Consider yourself smiled back at, nodded to & yes… {HUGed} Real Tight. Ok. You can continue on your run now. See you on the trails…
    Love Ya, Susie 🙂

  6. Thank you, Amanda. This post really spoke to me. Like Jennifer, I also love the line “someone who is always in the middle of a blogging identity crisis.” That is how I feel almost every day. I look around the blogging community and everywhere I see women who know what they’re doing, who have grown their blogs at an unbelievable pace, who seem to know and be friends with everyone who blogs. And here I sit at my computer, having no idea what I’m doing, struggling to grow my blog, and knowing no one. (Some days I do feel a bit optimistic, but today is not one of those days!) Thanks so much for reminding me that I am not alone in these struggles and fears. Gaye

  8. Sometimes I feel like the unpopular girl in middle school. I’m not in a “master mind” group or a “must follow” blogger. I can so relate to this.

  10. That was just what I needed to read, Amanda! Thank you! I feel like a wannabe-a-good-blogger so often and that was encouraging to me. I learn so much from other writers’ posts and just hope someONE will read and be blessed from mine. I’m so glad to see you writing for Allume!!!

    • Even if just one person is blessed, or one seed was planted, it is always worth it when we are obedient to the Father. Thank you for your comment sweet friend!

  12. I love this post for so many reasons. It’s so encouraging to me to know I’m not the only one who has dealt with these feelings. Despite trying to write on my blog for almost 5 years now, it’s been so inconsistent that sometimes I wonder why I even try. And in all honesty, I remember meeting you at Allume and seeing your blog since then and thinking, “Wow, she got it. I wish I had too.” I also love that this addresses the fact that it never gets to the point that you don’t have to work at it. Sometimes I think, “If I was meant to do this it would be so much easier,” but I think that’s a big lie. Just because it’s hard to accomplish doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. We always assume things are so much easier for others than they are for us, but in the end we all have to work to get things done. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Amanda!!

  13. Great post! This really resonated with me on several levels. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  14. Yes, I ‘m a wanna be runner, and a wanna be writer. And, I have just gotten to the place that I wanna be happy in the journey!

  15. “Someone who still struggles to get the words just right. Someone who
    can’t seem to find the time and the self-discipline to write. Someone
    who is always in the middle of a blogging identity crisis.”

    I so completely identify!! I’ve blogged off and on for 5 years. I have a lot of knowledge about HOW to blog but never feel like I do it successfully. But I keep plugging away because if I don’t my head may explode from all the words.

    • Me too! Whenever I want to give up, I just remember that I would need to write anyway just for the internal processing aspect of it, so I figure I might as well bless someone while I’m at it!

  16. I can so relate! Except for the running part, I don’t see myself ever running 😉

  17. I’m reading and nodding away in agreement, and I chuckle as I read, “Someone who is always in the middle of a blogging identity crisis” because oooohhh, me too! Thank you for these words, Amanda. I need the smile and the nod and the “chin up” words because I’m right. there. with you.

  18. Amanda, this is exactly how I feel nearly every single day. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone, and that those women who I think have “arrived” are likely trying to reach the status of someone who is more experienced then they are. Great post!

    • Thanks Amy! You said it so well..”those women who I think have “arrived” are likely trying to reach the status of someone who is more experienced then they are.”

  20. Thanks for writing this amanda! I sooooo feel like just a wannabe blogger! Especially when I try to engage “bigger” bloggers and they never respond…I wonder what’s wrong with me and I’m just trying to rub shoulders with other people. This is so encouraging!!!!!!

  22. Thank you for writing this. I have been blogging for almost 5 years and still feel like I just don’t quite fit. I long for the day when I take my focus off what everyone else is doing, or writing, truly own what God has asked me to do.

  23. Thankyou so much Amanda for posting this! I am definitely a wannabe! Your words are so profound & resignate with how I feel about writing. I am very new to blogging & working through much fear & intimidation! But everyday I am so inspired by all of you bloggers who just birth life into people like me, a wannabe!

  24. You have written my heart exactly as it feels. Often I get discouraged and want to give up especially when I read on other, more successful blogging sites. The enemy tries to convince me that there are so many other women who do what I do, and they do it so much better and I should stop wasting my time. I’m glad to know that so many other people feel like a wannabe too, at least we aren’t alone!

  25. Dear, dear Amanda. I love this post so much. You have described me. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  26. Oh how you read my mind. I feel like such a wannabe and even foolish at times for even thinking that I can be “one of those” amazing ladies who have a platform, and books published but i gently remind myself it takes time, and I have just begun. One day, one step, one mile, one foot in front of the other.

Trackbacks

Categories

Archives

Google+