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real light living

The Wrestle

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I gotta be honest with ya’ll.  I feel like I’ve got nothing to offer by way of great spiritual perspective right now.  I should…oh I should.  I’ve fasted, I’ve feasted, I’ve focused, I’ve cried, and I’ve tried….and still….I wrestle.

A friend said to me the other day, “Logan, I bless you in your wrestle.”

And I’ve been thinking about that.  What it looks like to wrestle well with God?  Not turning away, or running away, but just an all out roll-on the-ground-because-I-can’t-seem-to-figure-it-out-but-have-to-get-back-close-to-Him wrestle.

It’s not a piddly thumb wrestle.  And it’s not a looks-fancy-but-is-really-fake-blood WWF-style wrestle either.  This is like a little boy wrestling with his dad….learning how to really fight, but truth is that you never learn how to fight well if you don’t learn how to wrestle well first.  You never learn how to overcome if you don’t hang in til the end.

My boys love to wrestle with their dad.  As soon as my husband walks in the door, both of my little guys are nagging him for “a wrestle.”  Tossing on the ground, rolling around, pinning, squishing, squeezing, and sometimes even not-so-comfortable wrestling.  In our house, we call it “Domination.”  And daddy always wins.  But my boys still love to play.  The more they play it, the better they get at in, and some day….they’ll dominate my husband.  They’ll come out on top in a wrestle because they will have learned how to do it well.

It’s ok to wrestle, my friends.

I’ve been reminded lately that even Jacob, the father of a nation, wrestled with God.

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day.  When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.  Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”  And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.”  Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” – (Ge 32:24–28)

After his wrestle, God gave him Jacob new name even, Israel.  He redefined him and set him on a new course…a Father of a nation that is still called by the same name today.  God BLESSED Jacob because of his wrestle…because he didn’t give up….because he hung in the fight all night long, and he wouldn’t let go until he saw the blessing at the end of it.

And later….somehow it seems that even Jacob, when met with another rough time, had forgotten who he was.  So God piped up again to remind him.  He reminded him of his new name, Israel….and reminded him of the destiny and blessings on him because of that wrestle.

God appeared to Jacob again, when he came from Paddan-aram, and blessed him.  And God said to him, “Your name is Jacob; no longer shall your name be called Jacob, but Israel shall be your name.” So he called his name Israel.  And God said to him, “I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply. A nation and a company of nations shall come from you, and kings shall come from your own body.  The land that I gave to Abraham and Isaac I will give to you, and I will give the land to your offspring after you.” – (Ge 35:9–12)

So while in my own life, I’m still asking questions….still crying out in the middle of the dark night even 3 months later…still tearful in my inability to understand or feel like I’m moving far enough past the hard place where I started, onto the higher ground where I want to be….I have to know, that when I hang in there, when I continue to pursue God….there IS blessing in the wrestle.

There is blessing in the wrestle.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,  and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,  and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel,  for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. – (Eph 6:12–20)

**When was the last time you found yourself in a wrestle?  What did you learn?  Did you hang in until you saw the blessing?

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Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart — right where it is — and in so doing encouraging those of us in our own wrestle. May God continue to use your honesty and gift for words to His glory. 

  2. I named my only son Israel for this very reason. My husband and I wrestled with God the entire pregnancy and I thought if this is the life to come for this young boy his name needs to be strong. With 8 of the 9 months unemployed and trusting God to provide for us and our already 5 children I learned alot about wrestling with God. His will always will come to pass. I thank God now for the struggle as it made us a closer more trusting family and it taught me HE is all i need.

    •  Thanks for sharing!  I love how the Lord allows us to wrestle with Him…not the same as fighting with Him, but working through what we don’t understand to come into a place of deeper communion with Him.  And there are a lot of times too that the enemy has done something and we wrestle with God in his “allowing” of it too.  Point is that in the end, we end up closer with a loving Father.  Just like the verse from Eph says above…”to keep alert with perseverance to declare boldly the goodness of the Lord!”

  3. In the past, I just kept begging God to help me understand, lead me, and get me through the wrestle.  More recently, wise women have given me 2 awesome pieces of advice: praise, praise, praise; and seek Him.  When you praise Him, He shows up.  And, when I began to really seek and understand Who God is and how He sees me, break-outs came in leaps and bounds.  Logan, you have such a beautiful spirit!  Your words in good times, and maybe even moreso in the wrestling times, have touched me deeply.  Thank you!  And abundant blessings to you:)

    •  Amanda, those are such wise words full of truth!  Thank you for sharing.  I’ve written it before and I know it to be true that when we command our spirits to rise up and praise, we see the Lord show up in even more amazing ways….thus part of the whole wrestle….commanding our spirits to rise up even when our flesh so doesn’t want to!  Thanks for your kind words and encouragements!

  4. Logan, I am truly heartsick at the loss of your four children. Having never been there, I do not totally understand but I can stand in sympathy and love as your sister in Christ. I will pray for comfort and healing for you!

    I am personally going through my own wrestling with God, though it is for a different reason. Thank you for reminding me that even though I am struggling and wrestling and searching for answers, it is NOT a bad thing but points to the fact that I will come out blessed from it. And, also, what a loving God we have, who knows we will wrestle with Him and question and understands this.

    •  Thanks so much for your kind words and support!  I do know that part of the hard of wrestling is that there are plenty of answers we’ll just never know this side of heaven, but the goal is to keep rolling around with the Lord until we see the redemption and blessing in the journey. The point is…just keep clinging to and seeking him….praising along the way and knowing that we are his children whom he loves like crazy.

  5. thia passage was also the topic in church this Sunday….I hear you God! As we wrestle we get rug burns, scratches, I have lost some hair over the deal, and ended up walking with a limp just like Jacob. The Lord has shown me that I despise my limp, but the limp got me up close and gnarly with God…the limp let me feel His breath, His strength, and His constancy when I needed someone bigger stronger than my foe. i am with you girl…I love your thoughts…and I love that God is real enough to let us get down and dirty with Him!

    •  Thanks Kathryn for sharing, and I LOVE when you said “I love that God is real enough to let us get down and dirty with Him!”  I love that too my friend!

  6. I so needed to read this right now.  I’ve never been in this exact place with God in my life, and it feels so strange.  I can’t bring myself to write in my prayer journal because I don’t want to walk down the emotional road just yet that I know it will lead me to.  I am confused and questioning and still trying to be thankful and trust, praise, pray and it is just such a strange thing for me to experience. Anyways…all that to say, I needed to read this.  Sometimes it’s nice to hear that it’s ok to experience what we’re going through, and that it’s not wrong. 🙂

    •  Kelley,
      Thank you for sharing here and also a comment with me about your struggle on my blog.  It isn’t wrong at all to wrestle with the Lord, but I think that the hard, and important part in it all is to keep hanging onto him.  Pursue Him and we won’t come up empty.  Doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, but we can trust that we have a good daddy and he’ll be gentle with us.  I’d encourage you to write in your journal…go down that road.  Our Father is gentle and he will be tender with your heart as you reveal it to him as well.

  7. Thank you so much for writing this piece.  I need to read this as we speak.  My sister and I was just talking this morning about how we feel we are fighting with God about our needs.  WE  are wrestling with him.  And we dont like to lose BUT in the end God always wins.

    •  “And my God will supply EVERY need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” – Phil 4:19
      We never have to fight with Him about our needs, he knows them, he loves us, and he wants to bless us.  And I don’t think it’s a matter of losing with God ever either, it’s just about gaining a greater blessing with Him and often via a redemptive work as well in the end.  The encouraging thing my friend is that with the Lord…we never lose.

  8. I read your linked post – so grateful for having someone relate the real feelings behind such a loss. I share your pain and even hate to say that much. (no words from anyone else have ever eased the stinging pain for me)…

    I find my grief getting worse the more time passes. Not what I was expecting. It’s been worse since the due date came and went. I know His truths and love. I’ve accepted the trial.. Having a hard time with guilt over something I never knew was coming. I’ve come to accept that the sting will remain forever, but I am redeemed through Jesus and don’t have to condemn myself. I was reminded of this through devotions with my daughter today and I felt some weight lifted off my shoulders instantly. The little victories are great. I cherish these. But I find I get sucked back into the need to punish myself once again all too quickly. I love your reminder of blessing in the wrestle. It’s so true. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

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