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Bring It On

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Today, against all human feeling, I commanded my spirit to rise up and praise.

Sitting in church last week was gut-wrenching.  I’d just found out, 16 weeks into a pregnancy, that my baby had died.  Listening to the praises drip from the lips of everyone in the room while I stood numb with a dead baby in my belly, was nothing short of awful.  Man, was it hard.

This morning though, I heard the Lord tell me “will yourself to rise up.”

And through streaming tears today, I did.

My spirit rose, and feelings, and hurts, and anger, and pain aside….I praised.  My spirit praised.

“That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.” – Ephesians 3:16-19

My friend, Laura, was next to me… offering comfort just by being there and periodically squeezing my hand.  She knows what I’ve been going through.  She’s been journeying through life with me since long before my baby, Fisher, died.  And about half-way into the worship set, she leaned into me and whispered , “every single word is hard to say.”

She was right.  Every. Single. Word.

And I realized something today …

It matters that we will ourselves to praise… ESPECIALLY when we don’t feel like it.

I’ve shared lyrics from worship songs with you in devotions before.  Today though, every single word pierced my soul.  When I sang those words today against all feeling, I was forced to mean them.  There was no skating through today.  In my still-raw state, there was no ignoring that to sing them…I had to REALLY unpack what they meant.

The sun and the moon
They come out of their grave just for you
The dead man and the cynical too
They’re coming out of their grave
And it’s just for you

Cause the love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
Than the power of death *

I thought to myself as the tears poured, that if the sun and the moon rise and set for Him…if they come from the places of deep to shine forth… if the dead and cynical rise for Him….then so shall I.  So shall I.

The love of God is stronger than the power of death.  The power of death that would threaten to strangle us with endless grief or sorrow if we let it.  It’s not as strong as the love that hung a savior on the cross for us.

“Don’t let the enemy win,” I heard.  “My love is bigger, stronger, more powerful, everlasting, enduring.  My kingdom come, my will be done, on earth AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.”

It’s not just about “thy will be done” with some nebulous and impossible-for-humanity-to-understand will governing us.  His will isn’t for us to be baffled or confused by…subjected to without explanation…some “goodness” that seems so un-good to us sometimes.  His original will was never for my baby to die, or for Eve to eat from that tree.  He made it perfect, and we messed it up.  Sin messed it up.  And now, the world is a cruddy place to be sometimes because of it all. But that wasn’t the original plan.

As for me and my house though, bring on the “as it is in heaven.”  Bring on His kingdom to the earth.  Bring on His will as he originally designed it…full of beauty and poetry and goodness. Here, NOW, on earth… as it is in heaven.  Bring on redemption and beauty from the ashes!

This week we celebrate Easter.  The days we set aside to remember his death on a cross…which would be nothing without the resurrection that followed.  He’s alive so that we can be alive.  Death couldn’t hold Him, and because of that, it can’t rule us either.

In her phenomenal study on the book of Revelation, the ever-insightful Beth Moore once said “if we go through nothing, then we have nothing to overcome.  We can’t overcome something that we never underwent.”

But friends, it strikes me now as I seek to overcome this fresh grief of loss, that I can overcome that power of death.  We can overcome the power of death, because we carry the power of the LIVING God who overcame it for us.  We don’t have to undergo death to overcome it.  He did it for us.

He did it for us.

Oh great love of heaven for us

Ransomed children we are His

Made alive now walking with Him

Evermore His Kingdom lives

—

The great beautiful rescuer, Jesus Christ

overcame on a tree all our sin

Death no longer maintains any hold on Him

We as well resurrected with Him

—

Promised ghost of love so Holy

guide in power all our days

Never leaving or forsaking

Constant in the trial always

Oh my soul rejoice, my soul rejoice **

 

“Your sun will no longer set,
Nor will your moon wane;
For you will have the LORD for an everlasting light,
And the days of your mourning will be over.” – Isaiah 60:20

“DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP in victory. 55 O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY? O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?” – 1 Cor 15:54-55

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

And that my friends, is plenty reason to rise up and give praise.

Sunrise Photo Credit, * lyrical credit: Dress Us Up by John Mark McMillan, ** Beautiful Rescuer by David Walker, Sunrise cross photo credit

Comments

  1. Oh, Logan I have been praying for you ever since I heard about you Fisher.  I couldn’t bring myself to comment on your “raw” post when you posted it on you blog.  The memories were too painful for me.  I didn’t know what to say.  But I was praying.  I prayed for you multiple times the day you went to the day you went to the hospital.  Thank you for sharing about WILLING yourself to rise up.  Sometimes, that is how we have to start.  I needed to read this today.  This time of year is always difficult for me.  Thank you

    •  Mary, Thank you for your encouragement.  Because I’m in the midst of this all, it definitely makes it hard, but the truths the Lord is reminding of throughout me are worth applying to even just the days when the little  things don’t go our way.

  2. yes. yes. yes. I’ve been there. I am there. You (we) will overcome because our God is faithful and gives us the strength. Lifting up a prayer for you today.

    •  I hear the Lord reminding me not just that we will overcome, but that we already have!  The victory is ours already…and the enemy wants nothing more than to prevent us from realizing that the battle is already over!

  3. This brought me to uncontrollable sobbing tears.  Six months ago we lost our baby the same way.  Devasating!  Yet, I willed myself to to Praise our Lord.  Knowing that I will meet this baby face to face in Heaven one day soon.  Now, my husband and I are pregnant again.  Every milestone in this pregnancy is bittersweet and admittedly I suffer anxiety and fear of losing this one too.  Howver, in the depth of my despair, I am down on my knees giving Thanks to God for allowing me to get pregnant again, even through all of the horrible 1first trimester morning sickness.  Thank you for sharing your story and your Faith!  Praying for you today, knowing that our God is Sovereign and full of Love.

    •  Perfect love casts out all fear Diane and I stand with you in believing for life, health, and a fearless pregnancy for you and your baby.  Don’t let fear creep in…be anxious about nothing and with prayer submit your requests before the Lord.  Standing in the gap I know all to well on your behalf my friend.  Rise up…now is the time!

  4. As soon as I read “to be strenthened” my heart started singing “stronger” keep reading and well right there are the words 🙂  The vision of you at the alter one hand held tight and the other lifted in praise was a beautiful picture, exactly the picture of “will yourself to rise up” Love you!

  5. He did it for us, indeed! Really beautifully said; so sorry for your loss and I’m praying for you now.

    •  Thank you.  I told a friend today, if you can’t find the hope above it all, it’d be too easy to be swallowed by the dark in the midst of it.  I have to believe that the Lord will make something beautiful from the mess….he’s in the business of that anyhow!

  6. Oh sister in Christ.  I am at the hospital waiting on my dad who is in surgery, and I’m crying for you.  God is turning your tears into treasures, beginning with your outlook in worship.  I will join you from this waiting room in worship today.  love to you!  ~Di

  7. Today must be a call to praise. This is the third post I’ve read on praise (this one is beautiful by the way) and I felt led to write on praise this past Friday.

    Church was always hard for me during the months following my newborn son’s death. God always met me there in my praise though. He is so worthy!!

    I love that you keep writing now Logan. You are an inspiration and are leading us well! Blessings, Kristin

  9. THank-you for your post. I am in the midst of figuring out whether our babyis going to make it or if we will be going thru another miscariage. It has been hard and even harder to not let anger take over me. Thank-you for the reminder to command my spirit to praise. Sometimes that is what we have to do. Praying that the Lord would comfort you in your loss. Strengthen you when you are weak. And that you would see the beauty that he would make out of this heartwrenching situation. Thank-you again it couldn’t have been more timely for me to read this, So know that He is already using your situation for good! 2 Cor 1:4

    •  Well Jessie, in Jesus name I just claim health for your baby.  I claim peace for you and command anxiety to go!  Do not worry about tomorrow my friend, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (matt 6:34)

  10. Thank you for sharing. My heart breaks for you, but rejoices that you are at a place where you can rest in our Father’s arms. This post stirs painful memories in my heart, too, but the hard-won joy that comes in the dawn afterwards is priceless. I am so sorry for your loss. What a precious promise Easter is for those of us who have lost children.

  11. Logan, What a powerful and beautiful expression of your grief journey. I have been there too and understand. But this post speaks to me so much in my current season as well. The call to rise up is constant. Thank you for the reminder. Continuing to pray for you.

    •  Thank you.  And I do think it’s true. It’s not just in grief we have to rise up.  Sometimes it’s in boldness, or gentleness, or mercy.  Fact is, there are plenty of things on this earth that we have to command our spirit to transcend!

  12. This post makes me so happy for you.  I’ve been praying for you that He would give you the word that sustains you.  Sometimes peoples words to us will lift us for the moment, but when HE gives us a word it can carry us through the entire season.  I pray this word will carry you through the season.  Love you 🙂

  14. BEAUTIFUL daughter of a most extravagant King….this is so well said!!!

    “It’s not just about “thy will be done” with some nebulous and impossible-for-humanity-to-understand will governing us.  His will isn’t for us to be baffled or confused by…subjected to without explanation…some “goodness” that seems so un-good to us sometimes.  His original will was never for my baby to die, or for Eve to eat from that tree.  He made it perfect, and we messed it up.  Sin messed it up.  And now, the world is a cruddy place to be sometimes because of it all. But that wasn’t the original plan.”

    TRUTH! His will was never for your baby to die…He made it perfect and sin messed it up!! So many forget that Truth. Thank you for reminding us how to really worship in Spirit and in Truth!! Go my sister…continue to go and tell!!

  15. Found this post through an image search. I don’t share the belief that religion is a positive force for humanity over all, but I see some value on an individual level, as in this case. I wanted to write to say that I hope time has eased the pain of your loss. Love and best wishes to you.

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