Oh boy. Chapters 13-15 ushered me into a full on meandering down memory lane. As BooMama recounted her early days before her marriage, and those first few years afterwards, I couldn’t help but recall my own adventures and misadventures. We married at 20; by all accounts we were still children, wrestling to live like grown-ups. Marriage was much harder than I imagined. Way harder than anyone let on.
In all fairness, it is possible that I was too busy drooling over floral arrangements and completely unaffordable bridal wear to really HEAR the sage advice that was being offered in the months leading up to our wedding. I might have been slightly distracted by the fact that I was working two jobs and driving myself back and forth to Macon in the sweltering heat of middle Georgia during the high noon of the summer.
Whether people had tried to tell me, or they hadn’t, that first year of marriage tried our patience with each other. Our cleaving rang with the sounds of doors slamming (me) and cars motoring off into the distance (him).
In Chapter 14 Sophie talks about how she had known David for 20 years and still they felt like strangers in the beginning. As I read this I nodded and said things out loud like, ” Right??!!” and “Amen”. After our 4 years of dating we felt confident that we knew each other well–and we did, but marriage and dating are NOT the same.
And as He did for BooMama and David, God used these hard days of growing up together to teach us about sacrifice, submission and what love really means. We moved a couple of times, and church hopped, just like they did. We fought and made up and found our way through the immaturity and selfishness of our youth, into a place of willing surrender, compromise and generosity. We learned to communicate and respect each other, and discovered that while challenging, demonstrating grace is not impossible.
While my husband maintained a steady job, I found myself job-hopping more than I would have liked. I had to laugh at BooMama’s eager search for an English teaching job, only to keep finding herself in the role of Spanish teacher. Oh God has such a sense of humor. I’ve worked everything from retail to waitressing, to working at a car dealership, to a brief stint as an admissions rep at a University. As much as I wanted to put my college degree to use, I continued to get jobs that had me spending huge amounts of time on the phone. I was good on the phone. But none of those were my dream jobs.
By the time I found a job that I really liked and was good at (and had potential for upward mobility), we started our family and I traded the office life for being a full-time mama. Then we moved. Again.
Thankfully, by this point, we had been married for 5 years and while the honeymoon was long over, God had brought us a long way into a much sweeter season of mutual respect and understanding. We had fully become a team in those 5 years before our first baby was born, which was a good thing because that first child–well, lets just say he wasn’t a good sleeper.
What I am saying is that he didn’t sleep through the night until he was 3 YEARS old. Three years of sleep deprivation is a ghastly thing–if that doesn’t test your marriage, nothing will. I’m grateful to say we passed the test. God knew what He was doing. (Of course He does.)
I sat down to read chapters 13-15, and found myself engrossed well beyond the end of chapter 17 before I had to set the book aside to make Easter dinner. If you’ve been reading along, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this season of life.
What were your early days of marriage like? How did God stretch you during a particular season of transition?
ginabad says
April 8, 2015 at 10:03 amActually, our early days of marriage were actually pretty good. I mean it! It wasn’t until we decided to have a baby, relocate from our beloved city AND buy our first house, all at the same time, that things got…shall we say, challenging?? Yikes! Not only that, but my pregnancy was high risk and my husband was commuting nearly 3 hours a day – AND I then had post partum depression! Fun! But we found our way, and it turned out to be a great way that lead me to my Christian faith, and a beautiful family I wouldn’t change for the world.
Kris Camealy says
April 8, 2015 at 1:13 pmSo many hard things, friend. So grateful that God uses those challenging seasons to draw us to Himself. How generous He is. Thanks for reading and sharing here.
Amy Tilson says
April 8, 2015 at 10:21 amWe have such an odd story. We were married the summer between my Jr. and Sr. years of college. My husband was living with his mother still after the devastating loss of his father right before we began dating. I had another year of school left 4 hours away from home so we took turn traveling on weekends. Over school breaks we were both living with his mother. I then went to graduate school 2 hrs away in the opposite direction and we continued in the marriage reserves as we called it. Finally, after 2 1/2 years of marriage we got our first apartment together. We lived there for my student teaching and my first year as a teacher before our first move away from family. In our first 5 years of marriage we had lived in 3 different towns and ended up 12 hours away from family. We always say that the time apart at the beginning helped us to appreciate more finally being together, especially since we were alone anyway until we made friends. It was quite the experience that has repeated itself many times since. We will be married 24 years this June.
Kris Camealy says
April 8, 2015 at 1:12 pm“Marriage reserves” ha! love it. What a way to start off, Amy. That had to have been challenging. Congrats on 24 years–that is awesome and so beautiful!!
April says
April 8, 2015 at 11:19 amI too enjoyed reading those chapters of the book. We married young (well I was young) at 21 and 25. We grew up together and learned how to be a team. We also didn’t have our first child until 5 years in. He also did not sleep well for the first 2 years. It was trying and I so wish I could have gone back in time and not worked for his first 2 years. Sleep deprivation and then being expected to work a full day is hard to do. I really appreciated how open and honest Sophie was about those trying times in her marriage and life.
Kris Camealy says
April 8, 2015 at 1:10 pmApril, sleep deprivation is SO hard, and makes everything feel impossible. I too appreciate Sophie’s honesty and the classy way she shared just enough. So encouraging!
niki hughes says
April 8, 2015 at 1:57 pmWhen we got married, we moved to a suburb of Dallas. Jay had actually already been there working for 7 months. He was the only person I knew there. I couldn’t wait for him to get home everyday so that I could have someone to talk to. Believe it or not, Knots Landing (which I had not been allowed to watch as a child & was thoroughly enjoying now, I know, I live on the edge) and sitting by the pool both got old pretty quickly. The downside was when Jay got home from work, he had been talking all day and was tired of it. Thus, our first marital conflict. The first of many to work through. All in all, while it was hard not living near family, we both agree that moving away from home was the best thing we could’ve done. We were both close to a parents (which is a good thing) but I needed to be in a position where I had to depend on my husband, not my parents or siblings. It’s been almost 22 years since we said “I do” and what we realize now is that we must still choose to say it every single day. My man is not perfect but he is perfect for me.
Kris Camealy says
April 8, 2015 at 9:53 pmYes–We say “I do” every single day. When our pastor married us, the response to our vows was not “I do” but “I will” because it is a continual process of saying “I will” to the marriage every day. 🙂
niki hughes says
April 9, 2015 at 9:07 amI like that!