allume

real light living

Overcoming Focus Deprivation.

By

anorexic

“You’re not an anorexic but your life is.”

Words spoken to me over 12 years ago by my therapist. While that may seem like along time ago to you it seems like yesterday to me. They have never let me go. Those words are thankfully etched into me. I may not have an ink tattoo but I have a verbal tattoo.

You see I had been put on medical leave from ministry and forced (yes, by lawyers) into intensive treatment for what was being labeled as anorexia. The “why’s” of it all still don’t make sense to me but if it was only to hear that phrase above I will take it.

At the time I would have called my life chaos, hectic, or crazy. Sound familiar? I was doing all that I could to simply survive each day and was attempting to please a bunch of people at my work place who were seemingly disappointed in me no matter what I did. An odd place to be for a girl who tried to never do anything wrong.

But the truth is my life was starving to be lived. In my reality I couldn’t see it and there was zero focus on what truly deserved to be my priority. My forced removal from the everyday grind gave me no other choice than to discover what living looked like. What does living look like to you?

In my 3 month leave I took myself on retreats, visited an old chapel covered in stain glass weekly, went to jewelry making classes, enjoyed seminars, walked around in my bare feet, journaled, played with pastels, took myself to the movies, sat outside at coffee shops with my lap top, made friends and attended church. I behaved as a human being rather than a human doing and it was life giving.

“The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter, and destroy; I came to give life with joy and abundance.” John 10:10

When you think about focusing in on what it means to live life with joy and abundance what comes to mind?

What would you need to change so that could be your reality?

Eleanor quoteI know self care can feel selfish. But have you thought about it from God’s perspective? When we remind ourselves that God is looking down seeing His daughter it flips things. He sees a daughter that He loves, cares for and desires to see living life abundantly. And how can that be possible if you are bogged down in zero care for the person who He created? So as you head into the weekend what is one thing you can do that will give  you focus surrounding who God has called you to be?

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Comments

  2. This: “Behave as a human being rather than a human doing.” Yes! Thank you!

  3. This was my mother’s favorite bit of advice when I worked my soul to exhaustion in College and during those early career days, “God made you a human being not a human doing.” Now I am a mother and a writer, and the thin line still blurs. Thank you for the reminder today.

    • We all need it called on us often especially those of us who can find our value in our ability to create and produce. But no one does it better than The One.

  4. A few years ago, I ended up in the counselor’s office. When describing myself, I proudly announced that I was the kind of person who likes to give 110%. She kindly said, have you ever thought of giving 100%…or 99?. I looked at her dumbfounded. No. That had never crossed my mind. Not only had I set the bar too high for myself, but for everybody around me. It’s been a few years since then, and life is much more relaxed. I loved this post reminding me its ok to take care of myself and relax. Also, learning about Compassion fatigue ( Google it) was helpful to me. Attending Allume last year was a wonderful place to re-fresh spiritually and professionally.

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