“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”
-Helen Keller
At 5, I battled death. In 24 hours my father and brother descended from a village in the mountains where the clouds gathered around ankles cresting along the Himalayas. My mother had given them my diagnosis, the one we got when my body wilted and my fever spiked and the doctors shook their heads and recommended Western medical care.
They packed things at a frantic pace and lifted off with their sick child sprawled across their laps. Nepal is no place to fight leukemia, especially in the early 80′s.
We flew to Holland. Prayer circled and swirled around me for those weeks I lay dwarfed by the hospital bed.
But they prayed the fervent prayer only mothers of sick kids know. Knees bent to the ground, hands held, and voices lifted with petitions for me, a child who knew only that the needles hurt, the room was cold, and the Dutch nurses lack bedside manner.
I lived. Healed, really. And it became a part of my story. Why we left Nepal and eventually went back to Hawaii. This is why we had to leave third world missions. This is why my parents had to seek out God’s will in a country they never felt truly a part of, America. But as a child, I never really questioned the trust that was required.
As a mother myself, I can’t fathom the confusion and despair that would surround me if my child was threatened and their life was asked for. Would I be able to trust?
My mother came to a place in her heart during those hospital nights grasping my tiny hand where she was able to say “Yes Lord, if this is your will. I will trust you.” My mother who worries and frets about the funniest little things. Who we joke has a forever furrowed brow and always methodically thinks through things. And yet, she is a woman of amazing faith.
Going to Nepal with two small children and a promise of $75/month in support. Trusting that God would see them through.
It is such an odd dichotomy. That one could have faith to do the enormous, but fear enough to hinder the modest.
But I think I may know why. Sometimes faith is easier in the crisis. What other option do you really have? You can trust or you can… flail against the inevitable? But when it is drawn out, it becomes harder. To have faith in the small things when there are other routes you could take and avoid having to trust completely. To still be willing to walk the called even if you could take a different path.
Trust is hard, but are we still willing to walk the called because it is His voice that is calling?
Missindeedy says
August 18, 2014 at 10:41 amAlia, walking the called, when there are other, easier, choices- that’s theist difficult choice for me. Right now. Sometimes, it feels like choice is a curse as opposed to. Blessing. As opposed to a blessed calling. I’m always encouraged to seek deeper when I read your words.
Alia_Joy says
August 18, 2014 at 10:39 pmYes! Sometimes the sheer amount of choices seem like they are a distraction in themselves just by the amount of options we have. Sometimes distilling life down to essential faith seems the hardest thing of all. I know I find day to day faith impossibly hard at times.
Jennifer Frisbie says
August 18, 2014 at 4:40 pmI agree with you. When we are presented with options we tend to choose the easy, comfortable route. The one that disrupts our life the least. While I won’t beg Him to present me with a reason to reach out in desperation, I do pray that I will not continue to take it all for granted.
I love continuing to learn of your marvelous story, Alia.
Alia_Joy says
August 18, 2014 at 10:37 pmThanks Jennifer.
Kim@onerebelheart says
August 18, 2014 at 11:09 pmI’ve always been a little self-satisfied (wrong of me, I know) that I could say when I went through crises (divorce, infertility, deaths of loved ones) that I leaned on God and trusted Him to do what He felt was best. But in my daily life? Part of me thinks I don’t need to trust God because I’ve got it all under control. Except I don’t, really. All too often I will take the easy way out, handling things my own way instead of trusting God to work things out in His time even if that means I’m uncomfortable for a while.
Alia_Joy says
August 18, 2014 at 11:57 pmI know what you mean, though. I handle crises pretty well too. But give me a Monday full of ordinary or years of them and I about lose it. Sometimes the hardest walk for me is trusting that God is at work in my small obedience when really I want to be out changing the world. It’s pride, really. And often it’s that we do the things that insulate us from that needy kind of faith. The dependent kind that is pleasing to God.
Kris Camealy says
August 18, 2014 at 11:14 pmI get this. So much so. I find it is *easier* to believe God’s outrageous promises in the wild moments of life, rather than in the mundane. I appreciate this perspective, you’re making me think about why this is… XO
Alia_Joy says
August 18, 2014 at 11:58 pmMe too, friend. So much.
Logan Wolfram says
August 19, 2014 at 8:33 amI love this Alia. I had this very kind of conversation with someone within the past 2 weeks. Love you, love this wisdom. Thanks for sharing it here with us all!
Danetta Kellar says
August 19, 2014 at 10:49 amI want to thank you from my heart for your “report from the future” to me, a mother who has recently made the same decision yours did so long ago. You encourage me to stand in the unexpected Way He has chosen for us.