Lately, I’ve experienced a bit of a writing drought. I’ve been parched, searching and hungering for the right words to express. But the words themselves seem to stay stuck deep down within me, unable to quench my desire to share.
For months I hemmed and hawed about this, chalking it up to writer’s block. I wondered why I was unable to puncture this wall that stood between me and my keyboard, between me and my journal even.
And then recently, while I had my face on the floor before the Lord I heard a whisper. A whisper telling me, ‘this is why’. It was as if He had gently rested His arm on my shoulder and was pointing out a vast chasm within my heart. In the middle of the chasm stood a wall, a wall that blocked my view of the why; why my words had dried up. He then nudged that wall with the tip of His finger, that wall that stood between me and my words. It was at that moment that I realized that that very wall was also blocking my heart from Him. And as He nudged it, it began to crumble, but it didn’t come crashing down as I had hoped. It was as if He had an invitation for me, something waiting on the other side of that wall, but before He tore it down He wanted me to embark on a journey with Him. A journey of healing.
As writers who have been called to write for Him, we know that our words come from somewhere deep within us. We understand that we do not write for accolades and prestige, but instead we realize that it’s woven into the very fabric of how He’s made us. It’s how we reflect Him, He uses it to heal us, and often it’s when we hear Him the most. But when walls spring up and we can’t hear the words He has written on our heart, that’s when we should pause. That’s when we should listen.
I walked around hungry for words for months, yet I remained in this fog; ignorant as to why this barrier remained in my life. Meanwhile, the writer inside me was straining to get words out. And that’s when He met me on the floor.
You see, I have been struggling with forgiveness, and because of that my words and more notably my relationship with God turned stale. I was wronged, greatly wronged by someone very close to me; and rather than take these wounds I received to the Cross as our Lord commands, I put on a bandaid of sorts and carried on. I fully expected my heart to continue to beat and the sun to rise each morning- for life to continue as normal. I downplayed my inability to write and refused to recognize it as a red flag of the sin in my heart.
When our words dry up writing friends, it is a clue that we should step away from the screen {or the page} and go straight to His feet. It is only when we are pure and obedient before God that our words can have the eternal impact that we long for. Meaningful words are fleeting apart from Him.
And although I wish I could tell you that this drought has ended and that the rain has come, I still crawl to the Cross daily longing for Him to meet me. I fight each morning to truly understand forgiveness and I ask Him to infuse it deep into my core, into the marrow of my bones. I find I have to constantly remind myself that despite my wounded heart, I have inflicted just as great of wounds upon Him through my own sin. This daily wrestle is a journey, but it is one that I am grateful for. And it is with tears streaming down my cheeks that I can attest to the fact that He is faithful. This writer is slowly getting her writing-groove back and the words are bubbling back to the surface. I can honestly say, the words are only flowing because He is knocking that wall down, He is doing a work in me.
I’d love to challenge you, my sweet writing friend. Are you struggling to get your words out? Do you have sin standing between you and God? Ask Him to show you, and sit back and wait for Him to gently nudge you on the shoulder and point out what’s holding your words inside.
I pray that your written ministry is glorifying to Him, sanctifying for you, and a shining beacon for your readers.
By, Mandy Scarr
Photo Credit- Mandy’s husband, J, took this picture.
Chris Malkemes says
March 19, 2014 at 9:24 amMy sweet Mandy. What powerful heartfelt words. You’ve captured it. You’re holding on tight. Yes! The way to the words is through the Word of the Cross. This is the fodder that writes the truth in our heart. to quote you: Meaningful words are fleeting apart from Him.
Mandy Scarr says
March 19, 2014 at 2:17 pmThank you for your encouragement, Chris!
Christa Sterken says
March 19, 2014 at 10:09 amI love your candidness. I understand that feeling right now as well, wanting to right meaningful words and before I even try today? I am going to hit that Bible study waiting on the table for me. Meet God FIRST. Thank you…
Mandy Scarr says
March 19, 2014 at 2:16 pmChrista,
I hope your time in His Word was amazing this morning! Don’t the words always flow once we get into His Word? It’s so beautiful how His words are woven into us!
Chris Malkemes says
March 20, 2014 at 4:09 pmChrista. You might like what I wrote on my blog: Why I read the Bible. Not a plug, just and encouragement.
Christa Sterken says
March 20, 2014 at 5:23 pmI’ll check it out Chris, do you have a link?
Chris Malkemes says
March 20, 2014 at 8:59 pmSorry. My website is http://www.chrismalkemes.com Hope you enjoy. Have a blessed day. Thank you for your interest.
Kim Fernando says
March 19, 2014 at 11:05 amMandy! I have been so consumed in an ugly ugly ugly situation that I haven’t been able to read your words in the past week. Today I told myself I would make sure to stop by, and what you wrote spoke straight to me! I know that feeling of the words drying up, and often God shows me it’s either because I’m not letting Him heal my heart, not seeking Him, or sometimes honestly seeking Him for words instead of the work He does in me.
Forgiveness is a hard thing. I’ve been struggling to forgive someone who’s continued to hurt me on an almost hourly basis for years, and sometimes it feels like an impossible task. One thing I do know is that God is telling me it’s not worth my time to let these hurts linger or to feel hatred or bitterness. But He’s also showing me I could have avoided this by walking away a long time ago when I realized this person was only out to hurt me. So I’m struggling with this issue as we speak but also finding I can forgive more easily when the wound isn’t being reinflicted every day, and I’m thankful you’re sharing what you’re sharing. Thanks as always for speaking to my heart, friend.
Mandy Scarr says
March 19, 2014 at 2:16 pmKim,
So sweet to read your words. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for your honesty. I’m so glad the Lord is taking me on this journey, but it hasn’t been an easy one- and sadly, I know it’s far from being over. I pray that He will continue to make and mold me, and you too, my friend! Thanks for popping in!
christie elkins. says
March 19, 2014 at 1:58 pmThis my friend? This is real and beautiful and SO many ladies can relate. Thank you!
Mandy Scarr says
March 19, 2014 at 2:13 pmThanks Christie!
Amy Tilson says
March 19, 2014 at 4:57 pmWhat a big brave step you took here sharing this hurt. You will be in my prayers for this pain and betrayal to be redeemed into something beautiful that glorifies God in the most magnificent way. Big hugs to you sister-friend!
Dani Pettrey says
March 21, 2014 at 9:43 amI’m late chiming in, but really great post, Mandy! Thank you so much for sharing.
Mandy Scarr says
March 25, 2014 at 4:58 amThanks, Dani! I so appreciate your encouragement! AND I am SO excited to read your third Alaskan Courage book–it’s waiting for my vacation in May! (If not I’ll devour it in a day and get nothing else done 🙂 Can’t wait to read it!
Mom says
March 24, 2014 at 7:10 pmI love you to pieces and I am once again in awe of your written word:)
LaurenHlushak says
March 25, 2014 at 5:36 pmThank you for sharing!I sometimes get writer’s block when I’m using my blog as a means of satisfaction or identity. God is so good to rescue us from more than just writer’s block.