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Get Naked

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Get Naked for Allume

I’ve been hiding, although I don’t like to admit it. I believe it is a beautiful thing to be vulnerable, to trust another with my story, to let myself be real. But at what cost?

Will she still like me?

Will she still want to be my friend after she hears what I’ve done, what I do?

My husband shared how, in a conversation with a dear friend, he learned the power and beauty of true confession–the kind of confession that is the truth, the nitty-gritty truth.  The truth that when you tell it, it stings.

True friendship, true community, means being honest. We lay sin out on the table. And Jesus, in His mercy, in His grace, picks it up and covers us with His blood.  Trying to cover ourselves through hiding, through telling half-truth confessions, but not the naked story, is not believing in what Jesus did for us.

I know how difficult–how scary and risky–it can feel to trust. But if there is an opportunity, in a safe place, to share the truth, the naked truth, with a friend, what else can you do? Might it still, possibly, despite the sting, be worth the risk?

By trying to cover ourselves, in our pride, and hiding our sin from friends, we are forgetting (and thus rejecting) how Jesus was stripped bare: First, when He was born as a man, and then, again, in His sacrifice on the cross–His taking on all our sin.

If we love Jesus, don’t we need to be naked, too?  Don’t we need to trust a little more, let Him cleanse us and abolish pride and worship of our self-image by confessing, truly confessing, to whom He brings?

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed (James 5:16).

In Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes,

Confession in the presence of another believer is the most profound kind of humiliation. It hurts, makes one feel small; it deals a terrible blow to one’s pride . . . but we cannot find the cross of Jesus if we are afraid of going to the place where Jesus can be found, to the public death of the sinner.

So this time, when I confess, I must not hide behind platitudes, generalities.

Rather than saying, “Oh, I confess I have issues with control”, I must confess: When my boys were supposed to be getting ready for football but were goofing off and running back and forth from the front porch into the living room with their cleats on, I yelled and told them they were driving me crazy and locked them out of the house.

Rather than saying, “I get angry at my kids sometimes,” I must confess that I resent chaos, loudness, the kids not listening to me, and the love I show them is often conditional. I resent the tough stuff of parenting.  I want them to listen, and I get mad when they don’t.

Rather than saying, “My husband is pushing me towards the Father and it is good, but I’m having a hard time with it”, I must confess that we argued in the kitchen and I resent that he loves me so much that he fights for my heart, wanting me to trust the Father more, surrender more, die to these sins that hurt our kids and our marriage. I can be bitter towards him because ‘yes’, I want to change, but I don’t want to do the hard work of it all.

Ouch.  

Saying these words aloud, face to face, in community–and here, friends, as I share these words with you–convicts me: Being anything but naked about my sin is not what Jesus plans for me. It is not what He plans for you.

Those who merely hate tribulation, renunciation, distress, defamation, imprisonment in their own lives, no mater how grandiosely they may otherwise speak about the cross, these people in reality hate the cross of Jesus and have not found peace with God.  But those who love the cross of Jesus Christ, those who have genuinely found peace in it, now begin to love even the tribulations in their lives, and ultimately will be able to say with scripture, ‘We also boast in our sufferings’ (Bonhoeffer, “Discipleship and the Cross,” Bread and Wine).

I must go where I don’t want to go. I must be real, my heart stripped naked, completely open before my God. And when I hide the truth of my heart to my friends but say I love community, I am a hypocrite.  I care more about my image, how my friends perceive me, than Jesus coming and releasing me from these sins of my heart.

I want breakthrough to new life.  I want to hate my sin, not hold onto it.  I want “everything to become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17) and so I must trust Him with my sin and I must confess.  And when I confess to another person, I am letting go of the pride that wants to hide the sin.  I am humbling myself before Him, saying I can’t do this on my own.  I’ve messed up.  I need you.  Please forgive me and make me new.

There is so much hope here, girls.  I try to be real with friends now, after years of speaking in generalities and hiding.  There is freedom and beauty in saying I don’t have it all together–and this is what it looks like–but my Father does.  And I trust Him. I choose Him.

In being naked, I say ‘yes’ to needing Him, and the community He brings, around me.

Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the one
whose sin the LORD does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin (Psalm 32:1-5)

How do you feel about this sting of confession?  What is now stirring your heart?

Also, here is a link to the sermon, “Nakedness”, by Kevin Kim. Kevin’s words helped me be willing to finally be open to leaning on community and trusting them with the stuff that is happening in my heart right now. I would love to know what you think.

Comments

  1. I think it is easy to be vulnerable on line but I have a tougher time in person, just because some of my RL friends are not interested in the nitty gritty. It is amazing the amount of time you can spend with someone but never go there. Although I know I don’t have to be transparent in all my relationships I am praying a for a few more where I can be.

    • Kimberly, this is so true for me, too. To look someone–a close friend whom we trust–in the eye and share these things we’d rather not even admit to ourselves, is so difficult. I have found one of the most challenging things is to find the space–the time in busy schedules–to do it. I pray for transparency for us, in our relationships, for women in our RLs who no longer want to hide and who recognize Jesus as our safe space who frees us from shame of trying to cover up our hearts, from Him and from each other.

  2. It is hard to be really and truly vulnerable. To display our hearts in their true ugliness. But, God is in the business of redeeming our hearts. He doesn’t just give us s second chance, He makes all things new. PTL!

    • It is hard. Everything in me just wants to hide these parts of myself. And for most of my adult life, I would do just that: hide. I would play the game of being “open”. But there is something about what God does in community when we are fully transparent (and only He can help us do this) that reminds us that if He loves us and accepts us, showing our weaknesses to a good friend is also an opportunity to show our friend, and ourselves, God’s glory and strength in us as we look to Him, and not ourselves. for help. I’m with you, sister!

  3. I adore you and your transparency. The way you speak truth into my life (and others) is making a difference.

    • Kristin, you just make me smile, every time. Someday we will get to share our hearts, face to face. I just know it. Looking forward to that day, girl. Thank you.

  4. This is so good. Thank you for sharing this about confession. It was very helpful. I know that I deal in generalities with confession, not only in community, but in private. I had never thought about it as sinful before. I knew something was missing, but I could never put my finger what it was.

    • Hi Dawn, I love thinking about how we just don’t need to hide ourselves from this Father of ours, who knows every bit of us anyway. He is so gentle in how He shows us how good it is for our hearts to see the things that separate us from Him. As uncomfortable as it is to look at our hearts stripped away of everything we might try to hide behind, it is the beginning of letting Him show us more of Himself and the pathway to deeper healing. I am so grateful to be reaching in, for more of Him, with you, Dawn. But it is painful to give the details of what my heart looks like, when I lean on my own strength, rather than His.

  6. I find it much easier to open up to a few people (online or IRL), but to lay it out on the blog, even though I’m still small… to put it out there is hard. I’m an oversharer typically. I don’t normally have an issue admitting the nitty-gritty, talking about the difficult stuff – heck, I once wrote a post about how I’m not a very nice person (it generally went ignored…). But there is stuff in my past that got brought up this weekend in bible study, and it hit me hard. My reaction to it caused me to sit in prayer and realize that what had hurt and stung was actually true. After sharing with a few people, I’m now preparing to post it this week. And it is oh so hard. But I feel Him nudging me to lay it out, open up, and let it go finally… Your post here really helped me feel better and more at peace with sharing. And oh how I love Deitrich Bonhoeffer. One of my favorite writers on faith! Thank you for this post!

    • Vanessa, what I think is beautiful about your struggle in sharing online is the reality that you know that these are real people behind these screens. Yes, we do need to think about where we share and what we share. I love how God helps us recognize His nudges . . . and helps us respond. And He helps us trust in Him, too. If He is in it, something beautiful has to happen, sooner or later. Bless you this week as you listen and write what He puts on your heart! I am looking forward to reading it!

  7. Oh Jennifer, thank you for such openness and the challenge to share what God places on your heart openly and honestly. It really makes me want to deeply seek God with each post I write to always be transparent as He leads. So very glad I found you and this fabulous site as well!

  8. The timeliness of this post can only be from God. I’ve been learning such a lesson and just posted on it too! It’s not easy being naked before God but the more we try, the more we’ll be able to do so. I find it hard to be completely open but when I do risk it, I’m never let down! I think God honors the risks we take for Him!

  9. Jennifer this. THIS is so beautiful and so very needed. As we share our lives…our struggles, our failures as well as our victories, others can know and be reassured they are not alone. We really do need each other and the reminder of how God has worked and is working in our lives. Thank you for this!

    • Hi Jacque, I think we must hurt each other when we hide and cover. It is difficult for me to not want to do exactly that sometimes. I am so grateful for your encouragement here, friend. Let’s keep going! 🙂

  10. Jennifer, thank you for this clear call to be honest with others in our writing. I printed it out a few weeks ago and have pondered it since knowing that I’d need to write a post about my anger as a Mama. Last night, the fruit of that was posted with fear and trepidation. Others have responded with empathy and encouragement. I pray others will find hope because I was able to follow your admonition and write transparently. It’s entitled, “Overcoming Mama Anger With God’s Help.”

    Deb Weaver
    thewordweaver.com

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