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Why You Should Share The Stories That Scare You

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write scary

Ann Lamott says that “we write to expose the unexposed”.  For some writers, this may not be all that difficult. Some people are naturally good at sharing the sensitive underbelly of life, without getting tangled up in fear and apprehension about how these delicate subjects will be received. I’m not really talking to those writers today.

These words here, are for those of us who are afraid to tell the stories that rattle around inside of us. Consider this your pep-talk, I’m going to tell you why it’s okay tell the stories that scare you.

I think it’s fair to say that we are all living with stories we haven’t told yet, most of us, are not as transparent as we want to think we are, and to some extent, this is good. Not every story can or should be shared in the public arena, and discernment makes a wise and responsible writer. Unfortunately, determining which stories we can (or should) share is not black and white. I have seen writers catch all maner of flack for telling stories, others didn’t believe they had the right to tell–and the plain and simple truth is, we are responsible for the words we share, and how we share them.

But what about the stories we can share, but we’re afraid to? Does it matter if we keep them to ourselves?

Yes. It does.

God cares more about our stories than we might think. This recently came to my attention as I was looking back over the landscape of my life. There are stories in my past that scare me. They remind me of a time when I was less spiritually healthy, when I was fumbling through dark rooms, hiding in corners and suffering in shame. These are moments I’d prefer not to recount. Why would I tell these stories? What good could come of it?

These are the questions I asked God, as I felt Him nudging me to tell these stories. I begged Him not to make me, but through His gentle, yet persistent prodding, He led me to open up.

And almost immediately, He revealed the purpose behind sharing the scary truths–healing. 

In her book, Bird By Bird, Ann Lamott says this:

If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must. Otherwise you’ll just be rearranging furniture in rooms you’ve already been in. Most human beings are dedicated to keeping that one door shut. But the writers job is to see what’s behind it, to see the bleak unspeakable stuff, and to turn the unspeakable into words–not just any words but if we can, into rhythm and blues.

That’s exactly what I’d been doing. I’ve spent years of my life, shuffling the uncomfortable stories of my life around, covering them with table cloths and fake flowers, keeping the curtains drawn tight, so that I wouldn’t have to examine them in full light.

But God is light, and the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it (John 1:5 NIV). God wanted to heal me and in order to do so, I had to be willing to push back the curtains–to share the scary stories. What the enemy intends for harm, the Lord uses for good. (Genesis 50:20)

Our scary stories lose their power to torment us once we allow God to redeem them. <–Click to tweet

As writers, our willingness to expose the uglier experiences of our lives opens the doors for healing, not just our own, but often for our readers as well. 

The next time that scary memory re-surfaces, don’t be so quick to shove it back into the corner of your mind. Perhaps the Lord is prompting you, cracking the door a bit to let some light in.

Hold your story out to Him, ask Him for wisdom–He will tell you what to do.

 

 

Comments

  1. Just beautiful, Kris! Keep the pep talks coming. 🙂 This is just so important–trusting His coming, HIs nudging . .. learning to discern His whispers towards healing as true.

    • Jennifer, you are gifted in this way, you share stories that challenge and inspire us to look at some of the darker moments in our lives in the light of how much God loves us. I am thankful for you, my friend.

  2. Kris, I’m finishing up Bird by Bird, just now. That tentative holding outbid my story is almost scarier than the memory. I feel a bit like I am also holding my breath while I wait to see what God says about it. This post gave me great courage to continue holding out my story to him. Thank you Chris!

    • I am so thankful this encouraged you to press into God’s leading with your stories. He has an opinion on it, and I have no doubt, he will reveal His heart to you on whether or not/and what to share. He is the best part of your story! Be encouraged as you wrestle.

  4. lovely, Kris. and so hard, but so true.
    i have experienced such healing in reading of the messiness and redemption of others – those who offer me some of the most powerful words ever spoken: “me too.”
    you also remind me of a great translation of Eph.5:14, “anything exposed by the light will be illuminated and anything illuminated turns into light.”

  5. Amen! Satan loses the power of using our ugly past and current mistakes against us, when we give testimony of God’s goodness!
    Great post! Thanks for sharing!

  7. Kris, I so greatly appreciate the way you brought ‘discernment’ into this piece.

    Not only discernment about what stories to tell but also which parts of what stories – and also discernment concerning the particular people to whom we share.

    Learning about discernment is also, I believe, part of the healing process. We learn to trust God’s leading and timing. We learn to discern between when to talk and when to listen – not just to others but also to God.

    • Thanks for commenting, Dave. I should have added that I disagree with Lamott’s call for us all to “write like your parents are dead”. I don’t necessarily agree that we can share all stories all of the time. For me personally, I believe some stories simply must be held (from the public, anyway). I think this is such a difficult balance, but I am unwilling to sacrifice restoration in relationships on the altar of writing. You are right, discernment is part of the healing process. Not everyone is worthy of our stories, and by this I simply mean, not everyone can be trusted with our tender spots, and when we learn this, our willingness to share can be truly restorative, rather than further damaging … clearly I had more to say on this than I thought… thanks for getting me thinking.

  8. I echo what Dave said. I love the way you pointed us to discernment and asking God, the one who gives us the stories and the one who is the greatest storyteller of all. It’s always part of my writing process, asking and waiting and then trusting when it feels like I’m standing naked in front of the world. Thanks for your wisdom Kris, it speaks volumes.

    • Thanks for encouraging me, Shelly. I can tell that your words are bathed in prayer–it comes through in your work, and in knowing this, I feel such grace and depth when I read your stories. it is inspiring–I’m continually learning from you.

  9. Thank you for this. I have recently done this and got a lot of flack for it from my family, whom I wrote about. Writing it out is the only way for me to heal and I hope that my family who reads those words and my feelings and comes to understand their role instead of trying to condemn my honest feelings about it.

  10. Mr. Rogers said, “Anything that is mention-able is manageable.” I think of this often.

    • hmmm, that’s an interesting quote. I can see the struggle would be in determining what one would define as mention-able. And are the unmentionable’s then unmanageable? What do you think? I promise I’m not picking on you… just rolling this one around in my head 😉 So glad you shared this here! Thank you! ((hugs))

  11. Scary encouragement, but healthy encouragement. Thanks for this, Kris. I’ll need to think more about which scary stories I’m leaving untold…and why.

  12. Dear Kris
    What I have found is that when we share those very painful stories we are so ashamed of, it loses its hold and power over us! Yes, we need to be ready to go through the door once our Lord opens the door!
    Much love XX
    Mia

  13. Kris, it seems that everyday this whole notion seeps deep in me and I feel freer at the thought and freer still when when I start banging it out. He’s to banging it out for Him, to be used as He desires and to be there for one another when the timid elbows out the bold.

    • beautifully said, Elizabeth, typo’s and all. Yes, I love that, when the timid elbows out the bold… yes! praying for you as you embrace the freedom of redemption in our stories.

  15. Thank you for these words friend. I have stories that haunt me, the ones that I’ve spent years burying and I’m still struggling with the how and when and should I. I beg prayers friend that God will slowly begin to release me to tell these stories – I’m pretty tired of rearranging furniture…

    • Tonya, how well I know this place (said while I’m still shoving the sofa around and dimming the lights) Praying for you, that the Lord would give you His wisdom and insight on how, when and what to share. You know, it may not even be in public–while I wrote this thinking of writers, we can tell our stories in private and receive the same healing–it isn’t as if telling the world is the only option…. you know that, but just in case I was unclear in my post. Here always when and if you need an ear. ((hugs))

  16. I LOVED this post! What a critical word of encouragement! So much so, I had my post already prepared, echoing this very thing, not even knowing all you were going to share the day before me. And I can’t help but think it not a coincidence, but a message HE wanted both of us to share. For now. For this week. For someone’s heart who’s just been waiting. Someone who is going to hold our their story to Him and obey Him in the telling. And I can’t wait to see all He’s going to do! Much love to you, friend! xoxo

    • So funny how God works, Jaque! I imagine there is someone (or many someone’s) who need the reminder that their story matters and that there is healing in telling it. Thank you for your obedience. XOXO

  18. I love these words, the gentle heart they come from – tell the hard stories, friend. Say the hard words, be brave and be courageous in the Lord. You know I walk this road beside you with my own hard things.

  19. Kris,

    Yes. I must WRITE. I know it as I know He Lives & Loves.

    Thank you for speaking His heart thru your words sweet friend. I was not expecting this. He uses you so well to pierce me heart & fill it with words of lovely, light-shining truth.

    I must write…the revelation He has given to me to share. I am the only one who can write it down from my perspective for myself & others. Why do I fear any but Him? Clarity is so refreshing & empowering!

    Ok. Deep Breath…Throwing the door wide open. Trusting that His light will reveal the lessons from the cave that others may run with His truth & gift of Freedom (from moving heavy furniture).
    I Believe Gen. 50:20. I must now put Belief into words.

    Love Ya, Susie 🙂

  21. I’m not scared of the stories of my life I just think they are normal and no-one would be interested. Recently I’ve learnt that my life wasn’t normal and actually the things I’ve been through are often things others are amazed and encouraged to hear. When I think of writing about it though I think no-one will be interested and where would I start! It is certainly food for thought though. Thank you 🙂

  22. This is beautiful. I needed this reminder this week to keep writing with transparency. Thanks for sharing the encouragement.

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