I spent the first year at my job wishing it away. It wasn’t what I wanted, and I let a pout be a permanent fixture in my attitude.
I went back to school with the intention of graduating into my ideal ministry position. I dreamed about that position throughout my three years in grad school. I longed for the day of ministering to women, pouring Scripture into their hearts, and connecting deeply with the Spirit in prayer beside them. I had a dream, I had a vision. But He wanted something different.
I graduated and He opened a door to a position much like where I had come from prior to grad school. In fact, it was a few steps backward in many ways. But He made it obvious this is where He wanted me, and so I obeyed His lead and accepted the position. As time went on I grew to dislike the position more and more and I grew bitter.
Instead of being grateful for a job in a struggling economy, I allowed misery and self-pity to overtake my heart. I soaked in the waters of anger, and I chose not to look at the blessings covered beneath the surface of this job.
Gratitude was something I had lost–a lifestyle, an attitude, a focus I chose to walk away from.
Over time the Lord began to pull up the weeds of resentment, showing me why He had me there. He revealed the purpose- the very reason I was placed there. Over time my heart changed.
But looking back I am saddened that for so long I wished away that season, excited to move on to what God had for me next.
Look what Paul wrote of the Macedonian churches in 2 Corinthians;
Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.
Those in Macedonia faced great persecution because of their faith. Their situation deteriorated and poverty spread through the Church. Despite the difficulties they faced, they still chose to praise God and bless others. They contributed financially to Paul’s missionary work during this difficult time, they gave out of what they did have, instead of focusing on what they didn’t have. The Macedonian’s faith increased even in the midst of great trial. They chose to see the grace of God, soaking in His blessings even in the midst of a storm.
The Word of God gives us testimony after testimony of this very attitude, the attitude of living in gratitude and sharing the joy of the Gospel of Christ in every and all situations.
I wonder what would’ve been different if I hadn’t ‘wasted’ a year pouting over the season He had chosen for me.
As I reflect on that season, I see that He is patient. He is gracious. And He is a great Teacher.
I needed that season of pouting to learn that sometimes my story isn’t equal to His story. Sometimes He has different plans for a season then I do, and that doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. When my attitude learned to adjust to His plans, when I accepted where He had me and chose to be present and purposeful, I saw His abundant blessings. I saw Him.
After two years in my position, today is my last day. God has moved me into a new season, and I am walking away from this job. I am grateful for where He is leading me, but I wonder what would’ve been different if I hadn’t allowed my pouting attitude to cloud that season.
I am grateful for the lessons He’s taught me on this journey, and I pray that my heart will overflow with gratitude, like the Macedonian’s, no matter what challenge or storm this next season brings.
Are you in a season you didn’t picture for yourself? Are you weary and bitter? Are you pouting the days away?
Let’s choose gratitude. Let’s choose to see Him in the midst of this season, being open to what He might have for us there.
By, Mandy Scarr at mandyscarr.com
Christy Fitzwater says
June 21, 2013 at 7:40 amThis is especially encouraging to me today. Thank you very much.
Mandy Scarr says
June 21, 2013 at 8:39 amGlad you were encouraged, Christy!
Lisa Littlewood says
June 21, 2013 at 8:16 amI also needed to hear this today. Thank you…I’ve been there before too (with jobs) and feel like I’m falling back into that pattern in my current life situation. Time to walk back towards a life of praise/thankfulness…
Mandy Scarr says
June 21, 2013 at 8:39 amLisa, I so appreciate your honesty with your situation! May God guide you to a heart of thankfulness right where you are!
Brooke Roper says
June 21, 2013 at 9:48 amMandy,
You have NO IDEA how it feels to see this today. A) I’ve been encouraged. B) I realize I’m not alone feeling like I do in my job and C) I see that you can emerge from a season of pouting. I’ve been pouting for more than a year…wondering what else there is…where else I can go….what I can do to be useful….and its so frustrating. Its a reminder I need to get into the word and really believe the promises of God and His plan for me. Its greater than my plan for my life. Praying for you on the beginning of your new journey.
Sarah says
June 21, 2013 at 6:05 pmI love this – I feel like it’s something we often have to fight for – joy in our RIGH NOW. I too have wasted time pouting or pining away for the future, and when God revealed my own heart to me, I was so sad about the time I had lost. Thank you for sharing!
Jennifer Roth says
June 21, 2013 at 7:24 pmI’ve been in that place more times than I care to admit. It’s amazing how God uses everything and works all things together for good. Even my tantrums or pouting! I can so identify with this season you wrote about. I’ve been there. And I’m in a situation I never thought I’d be in. Unfortunately, choosing gratitude hasn’t been my default in some of life’s unexpected seasons but the shift that takes place when we say yes to Him is awesome. He is always worth it. Thank you for sharing! A great reminder. Blessings as you take this next step in your life!
Mel says
June 21, 2013 at 8:58 pmThis really resonated with me and made me reflect on a hard season…my first year of teaching in ’01-’02. Honestly, it’s a time in my life that I bury down deep and try not to think about too often. My fiance and I were doing the long distance thing (different states) for the year before our wedding the following August, and I found myself wishing away the weeks and traveling every weekend to see him just so we could be together. Though that year was definitely sprinkled with blessings and some awesome students, I know I missed out on some important things because I just wanted time to pass so quickly. I’m thankful He chose to bless me despite my attitude and thankful, too, for the lessons I learned. Loved this…thank you. Praying blessings on this next season for you. 🙂
christie elkins. says
June 22, 2013 at 8:52 amDo you have any idea how awesome you are? You speak such honesty and truth into this gal today. Been there. In that frustrating time. Pouting instead of praise. Not really sure if I am fully out yet! Thankful you are sharing these words today!
Sarah says
June 23, 2013 at 2:31 amWow. This hit exactly where I am right now. Thank you for sharing this testimony Mandy! I have been at my current position for a little over a year now. And since I have been earnestly seeking the Lord’s will for my life recently I find myself easily falling into complaining and ungratefulness. It is horrible, and I know I have so much to be thankful for. I love that my husband is able to gently remind me how blessed I truly am. When I change my attitude to one of gratitude, I become so much more filled with love and I am better able to show His love to my coworkers. And maybe that is the purpose I am supposed to fulfill there at my current position. Only God knows when I am ready to move on, and I trust that He will open up a new opportunity when the time is right.