When it comes to writing at home, serving in our church and community, and loving our family, we all strive for the same thing: balance. We believe it’s out there, and if we discover the right formula we’ll find it. And, when we find it, there we will have peace.
As a wife, mom of six, leader in a community support group, and full-time writer, radio host, and blogger I have the answer to the issue of “balance.” The answer is that balance is not possible . . . or at least not in the form of a perfect schedule or routine. For even if we find balance one day, it most likely will slip between your fingers the next. People have unique needs on a daily basis. Work schedules are dependent on others. Health wavers, moods change. Husbands have crises at work. The people we serve in the community have struggles often. Very often.
The only thing we can be certain of is that as soon as we achieve a small measure of balance something is going to overturn the applecart and all our good intentions will spill out like crabapples, becoming scattered and bruised.
The thing about balance is that the only one who can control tomorrow (or even the rest of today) is the One who can also provide for our moment-by-moment needs when our schedule gets out of whack. God not only knows what’s coming, but He also knows what we need to do today to prepare for it.
How do I balance my life?
I schedule a few key things: Naps and bedtimes are a biggie for me. My little kids (5, 3, and 2) take a nap every day, at around the same time. And we strive to have them in bed by 7:30 p.m. We also try to have dinner as a family every night. Schedules give our children a sense of order. And when I know they’ll be in bed at a good hour, I can look forward to some element of peace in the evenings.
I pick two to three important things to get done in each day. There are days I need to write 2,000 words. There are days I need to get caught up on laundry. These two things cannot happen on the same day. When I choose what to focus on some things, I’m also choosing what to ignore. This is important. There will never be enough time to do it all. Ever.
I set aside times for fun and play. I give attention to my little ones first thing in the morning (instead of jumping straight onto the computer). I also try to spend an hour with them of dedicated time in the afternoons between the time they wake up from naps and the time I have to start working on dinner. We play in the yard, blow bubbles, or take a walk. When my kids know they’ll have dedicated time, they don’t have to fight for time (or act up to try to get it) throughout the day.
I seek help. I’ve managed my workload so I can have a young mom come in four hours a week to clean. I have an assistant who helps with my blogs and other online help. I have a friend/nanny who watches my little ones for blocks of time so I can write. I was not at this place ten years ago, but I’ve worked to find people who I can help financially and who can help me. While you may not be at the place to hire someone, ask yourself if there is there someone who you can trade with. For years I traded homeschool days with another mom so I’d have a free day. Also, when you see someone who is seemingly “doing it all,” know that that person probably has help, too. No one can do it all and balance everything well. No one.
I turn to God. He has the answers for your day. His Spirit will guide you to what’s most important. God has good plans for you and your family. Instead of looking to find the perfect schedule—the perfect balance—look to God for His plan for your day. Take your eyes off of that printed up schedule, and put them on Him, and you will go far into having a healthy and happy family and a productive work life, too!
Missindeedy says
June 18, 2013 at 7:35 amThank you for sharing your strategies for finding balance, Tricia. Setting routine bedtimes has been a lifesaver to me, as well as trading childcare for a few hours a week with another mom in town. And children never seem to have a knack for acting up more then when I’ve neglected to give them some one on one time with mama. Great ideas and encouragement to keep things in perspective. Thank you!
Lara Gibson Williams says
June 18, 2013 at 7:51 amGreat post, Tricia. Love the practical tips.
Shannon Wheeler says
June 18, 2013 at 7:52 amI needed this reminder today. God’s not here to dump disapproval on us for not being able to do super-woman amounts of things each day. He’s here to give grace and wisdom, to help us understand that we do have limits, we do need to be in supportive community with each other, and we do have all we need for each day’s work. Thank you so much! I’m encouraged by your words.
Aprille says
June 18, 2013 at 9:22 am“I pick two to three important things to get done in each day. There are days I need to write 2,000 words. There are days I need to get caught up on laundry. These two things cannot happen on the same day. When I choose what to focus on some things, I’m also choosing what to ignore. This is important. There will never be enough time to do it all. Ever.”
I made almost an identical comment on my personal facebook page last week. For a long time I tried to squeeze too many things into one day and was always left feeling frustrated. So now I try to focus on two or three things and let the rest go! Thanks for this post! It’s perfect!
Tricia Goyer says
June 18, 2013 at 3:48 pmYes, and doesn’t it feel good when those 2-3 things get done?!
Ginger Harrington says
June 18, 2013 at 9:55 amEnjoyed your post today and it is good to be reminded that balance does not mean doing it all!
Tricia Goyer says
June 18, 2013 at 3:48 pmI’m glad it was helpful! No one can do it all!
Kristi says
June 18, 2013 at 4:09 pmI needed to hear this today. When I first started homeschooling, I read a ton of blogs, many of which made me believe that every homeschool mom had a perfect schedule, a clean home, and wonderful school days. I spent months feeling like a failure. I am just beginning to give myself a little grace in the day to day of life. Thank you for adding another “voice in my head,” giving me permission to just accomplish 2 or 3 important things each day.
Trygeania Dowell says
June 18, 2013 at 5:36 pmThis is a smart idea. Balancing my day is difficult. I am a single mom who has a lot to do. I really don’t have help. I am on disability, and so is my youngest son. I try to balance my life out between working on my health, which includes, diet, exercise, and meal planning, my job, taking care of the house, finding time for my kids, finding time for God, and finding time for myself. There is never enough time in a day to balance it all out.
Leah@embracingrace says
June 19, 2013 at 6:06 amAs a pastor’s wife, I can really relate to this! I left the notion of balance behind long ago when I realized how flexible my life has to be. Also have had to tell myself that it’s okay to not do everything every day. I think sometimes we try to do a lot more than even God intended for us to do! I have young children, so I’m learning to celebrate small victories….haha. 🙂 This year I published my first book, which some ways is a miracle considering how full and eventful our ministry life was. It’s really about seeking God’s wisdom daily to accomplish His will. Thank you so much for sharing!
Kim Hall says
June 19, 2013 at 10:01 amI love how you laid out the hows and whys of your days, and especially what you did when you were starting out. I agree that the most important point is to align your schedule by looking to God for the plans for your day. I find on the days I try to “do it my way”, I spend way too much time and energy whacking through the underbrush.
Gretchen Louise says
June 19, 2013 at 10:34 amThank you for this. My daddy’s favorite word is balance, I believe, so I grew up hearing about it all the time. But I needed this perspective as it applies to my schedule. Thank you and thank you.