allume

real light living

Choosing to Celebrate When It’s Not Your Turn

By

Celebrate

I read the excitement all over my social media feeds. Another amazing new community celebrating their start with a wonderful group of talented women who would be pouring words of encouragement into an exciting new venture. Or maybe it was a new blog that had just started and suddenly had hundreds of followers. Or maybe it was a conference team, a popular blog post, an opportunity of a lifetime presented to someone.

Someone else.

As in … not me.

Sure I do this/that/the other thing and yeah, I’m busy and have a family to take care of and probably not enough hours in the day as it is. But do you know where my mind immediately went?

“Why NOT me?”

It’s ugly, this side of pursuing my passions. The jealousy that springs up when my writing and talent aren’t being admired. When I’m not the first, second, or last chosen. When I’m not even in the running for something I never even knew was an opportunity.  It’s like the elementary school playground all over again but this time the enemy sneaks in with attacks so stealthy I’m nearly knocked flat.

Thoughts of “Oh this is so exciting for them!” turn to “I wonder why they didn’t think of asking me?” Then before I know it I’ve drifted down the path of “Maybe I should just give it all up. I’m really not a very good writer anyway.  I’m not sure anyone would miss me if I just silently walked away.” In the middle of the most exciting, blessed, fruitful time of my life, the enemy had just tried to convince me to leave what God created me to do. I recognized it for what it was, this time, and asked God to show me a different way.

God called me back. Spoke firmly to my heart what He wanted from my hands. I went to those new sites and left comments of love and encouragement. Sometimes through tears. But they didn’t need to know that. I joined the blog that had hundreds of followers because I knew I would learn to be a better writer through their shared wisdom. I sent a message of congratulations to the friend who just received the opportunity of a lifetime.

We are writers. Words are the core of who we are. They affect us deeply – good and bad – and the only way to escape the lies of the enemy is to listen to the Word of God speak into our hearts and let it lead our actions.

It doesn’t take 500-700 perfectly edited words with a great Pinterest friendly graphic to impact someone’s life. Sometimes, all it takes to make a difference is to use your gifts to pour encouragement into the lives of the other writers around you.

  • Celebrate with one another.
  • Confess your weaknesses and pray together over text messages and emails.
  • Share posts and build community.
  • Leave a {high five} in a blog comment when the enemy tells you it “should be you.”

You know what? God has other plans for you, my friend. Plans that are good and perfect for you. For your writing style, your words, your passion. We can’t all be chosen all the time. But we can all celebrate our friends when it’s their turn. You never know who might see you loving on your fellow writers, encouraging your sisters, supporting conferences and opportunities and decide that their project? You would be just the right person for the job.

Comments

  1. I think this is a very brave, learning blog. It gives insight into my own heart. I think we all have such thoughts. Hug. It is so amazing that God helps us. In the writer-world we all have our own place. Our light and our own style. God uses us to bless when He wants in a very surprising way. http://kostbaar.blogspot.nl/

  2. You, my friend, are brave and bold and beautiful. And the truth of your words is resonating in hundreds of hearts…hearts that have been here with tears flowing down. Thank you for writing truth, for declaring the honest reality, yet pointing us toward doing nothing out of selfish ambition, or vain conceit but in all things, in love, consider others better than ourselves. His plans are perfect and there’s no place I’d rather be, even when I’m tempted to think otherwise! He is God and we are not, and may His way be done in and through us is my prayer! Much love to you… xoxo

  3. Oh man, have I ever been there. Just this week I saw something floating around social media and I immediately asked God that very question, “why not me?” I know that God has a unique purpose for me to fulfill. I pray He continues to give me the boldness and strength to pursue it and walk it out.

    • Barbie I know He will! You are wonderful and created for a beautiful purpose, and I can’t wait to watch as God opens those doors for you 🙂

  4. I needed this today. My heart has been heading down that *Why not me* path for the past few weeks. I’m tired and beaten and feeling useless and small. Love your words and your heart – thank you for sharing!

    • Oh Aurie, how I wish I could take you out for coffee and give you a big hug. Praying you are covered in the peace of the Father, protection from the enemy and filled with joy today. You are not useless, or small – and neither is God, and he rejoices over you, his daughter, beautifully created, with singing 🙂

  5. Well said, Crystal. We just don’t know whose lives we are touching, or who is moved by our words today. There is so much faith, trust, and humility in being a writer!

    • Thanks Kim! Your words are always such an encouragement & inspiration to me 🙂 It’s so fun to watch your God-Sized Dreams grow!

  6. Not only do you speak truth with these words Crystal…you should know that you are not alone in feeling this way. It happens to me too and I think it happens to all or most of us. Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging us. Hugs my friend.

    • Thank you Mary! You are so right…I’ve found in my writing that when the enemy tries to convince me that I’m the only one who feels a certain way, those are the things I need to share…because in reality? Someone else is going through the same thing 🙂

  7. Did you get into my prayer journal again??? This sounds really familiar!

    I love how real you are in your writing, Crystal. You are an amazing woman, and I love reading what you write. Hug baby girl for me!

    • Diane, these are sweet words to this mama’s heart this morning. Thank you! Looking forward to giving you a big in real life hug one of these days!

  8. Well said. Being vulnerable and community-minded goes against our flesh. I’m so thankful we have God’s spirit within and around us.

  9. Guilty:( Your words are oh so timely, Crystal. Thank you. I love that your words will be here regularly to love on so many.

    • There have been seasons lately where I am guilty of this nearly every day. It’s not easy. But somehow knowing we’re not alone in these feelings takes a lot of the power away, doesn’t it? God wins. Always.

  10. Oh, my mind is overflowing right now! You nailed it again, Crystal… and don’t you dare stop writing! I need your words every single time! 🙂

    … although I look at YOU and think, why not me? … connecting so well with incourage, allume, and others… and then there is me, hiding in my little introvert corner, too afraid to even submit a guest post and freaking out a little bit about heading to Allume again when I feel so … overwhelmed.

    Such truth in celebrating others! I’m good and sharing other’s posts on twitter but now always good about leaving a high five in the comments, so I will work on that!

    Here is your HIGH FIVE!! 🙂

    • (just emailed you)….and {high five} back, sweet friend. You are a wonderful encourager and I love seeing you here today!

  11. Oh Crystal, my sweet friend!! I love you and your open heart. I too find myself saying the same things. Jealousy is called a big monster for a reason.
    I agree with you-let’s celebrate one another, fight the jealousy and spread love. There is nothing that The Lord would be more proud of.
    Xoxo

  12. You are in my mind and my heart with this post. I struggle with this so much ALL the time. I’m often disgruntled about things I didn’t even know were happening and somehow I missed the memo – when I wasn’t even supposed to get it in the first place. Thank you so much for speaking truth here – it’s the only way to combat the stleathy arrows of the enemy.
    So HIGH FIVE friend – and know that God has used you to speak into my life – and please your words speak life and healing so keep using that God has flowing out of your fingers. {HUGS}

    • You have become such a beautiful source of encouragement & inspiration to me Tonya! You have this fantastic gift of online hospitality that makes everyone feel so welcome, and loved. I see you building benches and community and inviting others in and I’m not sure you even see what it is that you do 🙂

  13. I find myself in this hole a lot–comparison, coveting, and then subsequent guilt over the two. I love your ideas of encouraging others and finding grace and contentment in cheering others on. Puts the focus on God’s work and how He is moving! Great post!

  14. I don’t think there is one person who hasn’t felt this way. Even those who have “made it” confess to continuing to look at those ahead of them in the game. I love the quote about not comparing our beginning to someone else’s middle and that doesn’t always fit within an amount of time.

    I love how you shared what to do when the jealousy creeps in. I have to remember too that the enemy will continuously try to tempt with thoughts of jealousy but it only turns into sin when I give in to it. Loving on others through it is such a great way to shut the door on the temptation.

    Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging us today! Blessings, Kristin

  15. Yes! Thanks for this Crystal. And every time that we step out and do this, celebrate another while we wait, it becomes easier and truly more genuine. And oh how that sister is blessed by our encouraging words!

  16. Crystal! You have been speaking my language lately. This post. Ack. I so needed to hear it. And hon’? I thought the exact things about YOU the other day, YOU, who are so gifted at encouragement and whose sentences feel like internet hugs. I’ve loved you since I sat next to you in the Allume lounge for open mic night last fall. HIGH FIVE, sister. Big high five.:)

    • Oh goodness, that open mic. and me doing the ugly cry over beautiful, brave words. What an impression 😉 Thank you for these kind words….I think the enemy is losing a lot of ground in this comparison battle today!

  17. I need to read this post every day. Every once in a while I dream about slipping away from the blogosphere … who would care?

    But a writer is a writer, and even when nobody reads she must write.

    “When I’m not even in the running for something I never even knew was an opportunity.”

    Haha…yes! That’s exactly it.

    Thanks for sharing so openly. I’m so glad that you’re setting the example of pushing through the envy and lifting each other up instead. Because (and this is becoming my mantra) there is room for us all! There’s room for everyone.

    • I would care! I truly would, I love your words, and even more your heart & determination. There is room for us all – this isn’t the corporate world of ladders to climb and toes to step on – there is plenty of room on the big comfy sofa for every one of us to kick of shoes off and join in the conversation 🙂

      • Oh, you girls. You bless me. Now I feel all “look at me, tell me how great I am!” which is totally not what I wanted. But, a little love will do me some good, so I’ll take it. 😉

  19. Crystal. You. Are. Powerful.

    Thanks for your words. Thanks for calling us to celebrate and not disown our tears at the same time.

    Cry. Celebrate. Cheer. Care. With you, nasreen

  20. Yes…so completely yes. I couldn’t understand this for the longest time…and I took it to God over and over, to the point I know I wearied Him (Malachi style – ha!). Then one day, I realized He was waiting for me to move. To say “Yes” to something He had placed before me. Well, knock me over with a feather. Love when He does things like that. Thank you for these words, Crystal.

  21. I struggle a lot with this as I read other blogs and see so many readers and commenters and look at my blog and there’s so little going on. In a way, it is a blessing. I am still trying to figure out my niche and where I want to focus most on, and like Jon Acuff wrote in “Quitter,” it’s during this time of anonymity that I get to work through this, make mistakes, go through the trial and error of finding my voice while I don’t have a lot of people reading my work. That’s where I try to focus my energy. That and trying not to make my blog about me but about God. When I decided to pursue writing, my passion, more, I prayed (and continue to pray) that I use my passion to meet God’s purpose in my life. That it’s not about me but Him. This is a daily struggle.

    I very much related to this part of your post: “We are writers. Words are the core of who we are. They affect us deeply – good and bad – and the only way to escape the lies of the enemy is to listen to the Word of God speak into our hearts and let it lead our actions.”

    • I am smack in the middle of reading “Quitter” right now! It’s soooooo good, isn’t it? Totally strips away those lies that we have to do it all, right now, perfectly, to chase our dreams. Love your heart for your blog & your words, giving them all to God.

      • It really does! And he has helped me see that my attitude with my day job (which wasn’t so great) doesn’t just stop when I leave work but spills over into the rest of my life. I was so focused on, “Why can’t I quit now?!” and his book taught me to try to like my day job and see how it can help me in my dream job and stop just talking about what I want to do and DO IT. In my hinge moment questions, everything pointed to writing so that’s my focus now. But yes, great book. I want to read “Start” too but haven’t had a chance to get it yet.

        • Um. I think if we were to go grab a cup of coffee we would have a TON in common. (and “Start” is on my nightstand, ready to go as soon as “Quitter” is done – my sister bought them for me for mother’s day!)

          • I totally agree! 🙂
            I think God really meant for me to read “Quitter” because I downloaded the audiobook with no idea who Jon Acuff is (it was free and sounded interesting) and then so randomly, two days later, one of my best friends sent me the book through Amazon. And usually I can’t pay attention to audiobooks and need to sing while I’m driving or at least listen to music, but I took the long way home most days just so I could hear more of the book AND I read the book after I listened to the audiobook.

            The audiobook includes the first chapter of “Start.” After listening to that, I felt pumped. I just need the funds to get the book now. I hope you write about it when you finish it. 🙂

  22. Crystal thank you for being vulnerable and honest. You inspired my own words today. Thinking forward toward Allume and the days leading up. These words will stay with me awhile. There is power here. Tender and lovely. Thank you sweet one.

  23. Could you have written the words my heart has felt any more perfectly? I don’t think so. Thank you for being brave, sharing your heart, recognizing your struggle (and ours too, because you’re NOT alone in this!), and fighting the enemy with truth! Thank.You.

    • It takes brave women to come on here and comment like this, that they know these feelings well. I am humbled. Thank you Michelle!

  25. I am pinned, here at the cross, again. How I hate the green of envy that springs up again and again and again in my heart. Social media is wonderful indeed, but hard on my fleshly heart when I watch others getting to know each other “in real life” and exploding with news about their intimate times at conferences while God has not yet allowed me to participate.

    He knows, always knows, what His plan is, and perfect is that plan, my heart must surrender and stay on His path.

    Thank you for bravely sharing what so many others feel.

    • Oh that’s so hard…watching the conference posts fly around when you’re feeling “stuck” and left out of the loop. I’ve been there, many times. God knows your heart sister, and I believe his timing is perfect. You will be there too, hugging the necks of friends you’ve made online, and you will one day see why he asked you to wait. Praying for you today though, as that road on earth is hard to walk in patience.

  26. Oh, friend, my heart needed these words today. As so many have said, yes…I can relate. We all can. Not too long ago, I did the ugly cry over someone else getting something my heart has desired for so long…but God told me to cheer for her and celebrate anyway. I did it through tears, and you know what? Since that time, He’s used that person to be such an encouragement to me and I find myself wanting to cheer for her now. And it makes me look forward to what He might have for me someday…when it’s my turn. 🙂 Beautiful words, Crystal. You are a blessing to this community.

    • Oh Mel what a beautiful story. Encouraging through the heartache is so very hard, and such a brave thing for you to do. I know your friend was blessed – and I’m sure she can’t wait to return the favor when it’s your turn!

  27. I love the honesty here…so true…when the scriptures speaks of rejoicing with those who rejoice…mourning with those who mourn…I have come to see in the purest form….it takes the Divine…can we rejoice at a baby shower for a friend when we have miscarried?…can we rejoiced when that friend who did not even want to get married gets engaged when we are still waiting?…when that blogger takes off and you feel lift behind….invisible?…oh and the morning…this is not just the pat on the back…this is get into the trenches kind of mourning…the kind that walks through the darkest places….at the most inconvenient times…we all need to make room for more of the Divine…to truly be His hands…feet…words…and love to those around us. And I am so thankful He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus!!!

  28. Wow…yes, Crystal! I have a personal history with that particular lie of the enemy. Thank you for putting words to it that I had yet to find. Thank you for the reminder of the power of words and our place in choosing which side we use them for. I can’t wait to see how God continues to use you, sister!

  30. Oh Crystal, thank you so much for being brave this morning. Yes, you are so spot on. I have struggled with this so much. The not being picked and then wondering what’s wrong with me, or thinking I must just not be good enough. But I know there isn’t anything wrong it’s just that God has something else picked for me, for all of us.

    I so appreciate your words and it was the nudge I needed to do more high five-ing. You definitely get one this morning because He clearly picked YOU to share this word for all of us today.

    Thank you for being willing to share your heart. And thank you for being you, Crystal. You are such an encouragement for so many, including me and I hope to one day be able to meet you inRL.

    • I look forward to that day! It’s going to be one big group hug of awesomeness. Though maybe not high-fives at the same time..that could get ugly 😉

  31. Crystal-yes. For every weary day, for every sad moment, for every time genuine words of encouragement catch in our throats for the gasp of “gee, I wish…,” thank you! You are every single thing the enemy said you couldn’t do, wouldn’t accomplish, could never be-soar!
    Peace and good to you, sweet sister.

    • My God-Sized Dream sister – you always speak just the right, affirming, encouraging word over me. You inspire me to keep going and to find ways to push forward because I love what you do & how you do it!

  32. “In the middle of the most exciting, blessed, fruitful time of my life, the enemy had just tried to convince me to leave what God created me to do.” Thank you for your transparency and courage to expose the lies. This is a powerful blessing!

  33. What a wonderful word! Of course, we know we should “rejoice with those who rejoice”, but sometimes that’s easier said than done. 🙂 And it’s also good to keep in mind that there’s always a story behind that “success” we’re viewing from a slight distance. To remember that person has had to walk her own path (and tears and trials) to arrive at that post…or book…or opportunity. Thank you for your encouraging reminder to celebrate God’s perfect plan!

    • It’s truly one of the hardest battles I have to fight, almost daily. So incredibly glad for a God whose mercies are new every morning and who is stronger and more able than I am to keep me going.

  34. Thank you, Crystal. I needed to read this today. I just experienced this, and I swear, it was like you were writing down my thoughts. Thank you <3

    • I’m so sorry your heart was hurt like this Suzanne…but God is faithful. He has something amazing planned JUST for you, right around the corner 🙂

  35. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. What a great reminder that our obedience to God is more important than our feelings. That we need to trust that his perfect will and place for us is right where He has us. I admit that I have a difficult time waiting on His timing, and in knowing my will might not be His. I just started a blog two weeks ago. Thank you for this encouragement today, I needed it.

    • Congratulations on the new blog! That’s awesome! And waiting on God is one of my biggest struggles – I try to plan it/organize it/rearrange it/create it in my own way and on my own terms…and forget that it’s His agenda I want…not mine!

  36. Beautiful! It’s way too easy for me to be seduced into jealousy and envy when it comes to the talents of those around me. I just have to keep reminding myself that that writer is doing what she’s called to do, and I’m doing what I’m called to do. We are each unique creations. Wouldn’t it be a boring place if we were all writing the same posts? Thanks for the reminder!

    • It would be SO boring! And I hate how we feel as writers that we can’t write on a certain topic because “they” already did it….guess what? Maybe I read your blog & not hers and would love to hear what YOU have to say about it 🙂 Kind of why I love the Five Minute Friday link ups so much – one word, hundreds of writers, totally different visions. It’s awesome to see God’s creation being so creative!

      • “Maybe I read your blog and not hers and would love to hear what YOU have to say about it.” This is a great point and one I often disregard. Sad panda. Also, why is it the jealousy monster afflicts us so much, despite most of us being sensible adults?

  37. When I’m not the first, second, or last chosen – isn’t it true that being not mentioned at all is sometimes worse than being mentioned last? At least you feel noticed.

    Thank you for your encouragement – it was just what the ‘doctor’ ordered

  38. I so needed to read this today. Thank you! I’ve been ever so guilty of this very thing lately… wondering, “why wasn’t I asked to be a part of this?” But God has been so gentle with me as He reminds me that His plans for me are perfect… just as His plans for others (who may appear more successful than me) are perfect. Finding joy in others successes is the essence of love.

    • Me too Lauren! I so needed this at this very moment. Luckily today I recognized it for what it has and didn’t allow myself to get caught up. Being in this social media space makes it so hard though because we get news about what everyone is doing instantaneously and can even see with our own eyes how well a person or blog is taking off. Thanks for sharing and being transparent Crystal!

      • Blown away by how open and honest y’all are in these comments…the easy part is seeing the success..sometimes we forget to show this side, the not so pretty side, and everyone assumes we’ve got it all together. I know I certainly don’t have it all together!

  39. When working out today this song came on…..I thought of your blog….lay us down…..by christa wells and Nacole Witt ….

  41. Wonderful post! It’s so easy how this thinking slip it’s way into my thoughts. Questioning the very plans God has for us. We have to learn to trust Him. Cheers to all the sister friends who support one another 🙂

  42. I seriously could hug you for writing this. I really do love to be a cheerleader for others, but the thoughts and feelings you so honestly write about (thank you), I can SO relate. Maybe more than I realized. It’s so easy to get wobbly in what God has placed in my heart when it seems that others are on a fasttrack, and I often feel like I’m at a standstill. 😉

    I start to question my own motives, and wonder if I’m really in God’s will. Everything you said is spot on. The way God designed His body is for all of us to support one another and love one another through every season (weep with those to weep, rejoice with those who rejoice). What a beautiful reminder. I love your heart! I have NO doubts that God is using you, girl. You have a way of reaching straight into a readers heart and bringing the encouragement that has just the right mixture of truth and grace. What a gift 🙂

    • There is so much I love about this comment..you are naturally a very gifted encourager – I love how easily it came to you to write such thoughtful & uplifting words! Ah, the Body of Christ…how thankful I am when I really think about it that God created so many different parts, for different purposes. What a mess it would be if we were all hands! Or eyes!

  45. Crystal, I think you have shared something that hits all of us at one time or another. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your wonderful words!

  46. Crystal, I confessed some of these very things in my journal this week. Thank you for this honest, hopeful post.

  47. So grateful for this reminder. Currently in the same boat — a season where it is hard to rejoice with those who rejoice. But the Lord is faithful to soften my heart.

  48. Have you been listening to the conversations I have had with myself these last few days ? These feelings are exactly why I didn’t write today.

    I want so much to cheer on others as I wait my turn but I do often find myself slipping into the comparison quicksand. Thank you for the reminder that we all have those feelings from time to time and we can over come them. We need to just always keep our focus on Him.

  51. Crystal – as I was reading your words I knew that God planned for me to see this today. Every word describes how I have felt at some point in my writing journey. Every ugly truth just surfaced in your post but through it all God brings me back too and I am better for the struggle and the “why not Me” questions. Thank you for these words. Just what I needed today!

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