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5 Ways to Honor your Husband with your Writing

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When J and I got married (4 years ago today!), God gave us a story. Yes, He gave us the story of how we met {totally ordained by Him}, but He also gave us a story from our honeymoon. I knew this testimony was not something I was to keep inside and knew God wanted me to share it. I knew He was supposed to gain glory from His redemptive work. But how would J feel about me airing our ‘dirty laundry’?

For a few years after our honeymoon, I prayed and I waited. J fully agreed that I was supposed to share this story, he just needed some time to process it. After a time of prayer one day, God gave me the go-ahead to ask J for permission. I wasn’t a blogger at that point, but I was and always have been a writer. I knew God wanted me to write about it, I knew He wanted me to share, but would J be on board with it? After a discussion, J gave me permission to begin sharing our story with the world, but I knew I needed to set some boundaries for my writing that would honor him.

My man is a quiet man. He’s personable, and does enjoy being around people, but he certainly isn’t an open book like his extroverted wife. I knew he was ok with me sharing this particular story, but beyond that I needed to be careful how deeply I allowed others to enter into our marriage. So here are some writing boundaries that I came up with and now follow:

 

5 ways I work to honor my husband with my writing:

1. Pray. If I feel called to share something about our marriage, or about my man, I pray about it first. Sometimes God gives my heart a peace about it, but other times God gives me a restless feeling which causes me to realize He’s closing the door on that topic {at least for now}. Going to the Lord first makes #2 a whole lot easier.

2. Talk to your man. If I feel called to share about an aspect of our marriage, I ask J if it’s ok. Being the analyzer that he is, he usually asks me a few questions {and sometimes requests to read the rough draft before I hit publish}, but ultimately he’s grown to trust my words. I believe that trust has been built because I have never posted about him without his permission.

3. Beware of social media. My man isn’t a huge fan of me posting his picture all over the social media sites I utilize. I try not to post too much about him on social media in general. Occasionally I post a picture of him on Facebook, but I try to ask him before I do that.

4. Don’t embarrass him online. My man can say some pretty funny stuff. He’s actually quite the comedian, but his introverted self can keep it bottled up when we’re outside the walls of our own home. There are times I would LOVE to share the funny things that J says. Occasionally he’s ok with it, but usually he gives me the, “are you sure you really need to share that?” look when I request permission to share it with my online friends. Despite my desperate desire to share with ya’ll how funny he really is, I realize that honoring him is more important than sharing a good laugh.

5. Don’t make him look like prince charming. I believe that by being honest about our marriage I am honoring God and honoring J. I don’t try to paint a picture of the perfect marriage, because Lord knows, we’ve had our trials. It doesn’t honor J if I paint him as perfect. He sees himself as a sinner saved by the glorious grace of God. He doesn’t want me to make him seem perfect, because if I did, that wouldn’t honor his Savior. In the process of portraying the real J, however, I must be respectful and invite him into the process so the trust we’ve built can continue.

I find that when I honor my man and respect who he is, the intimacy in our marriage increases. I have been known to slip up and break these boundaries from time-to-time, but I find that when I invite him into my writing, J is honored and God is glorified–it’s a win-win situation!

What boundaries have you set for yourself in this online world? How do you protect your husband and your marriage in your blog posts?

by, Mandy Scarr

 

 

Comments

  1. I love these concrete suggestions for creating and respecting the boundaries of your marriage.

    I cringe when I think about some of the things I’ve read or heard wives say about their husbands. If we can’t trust that our spouse will respect us, and refrain from sharing without our permission, there will be cracks in the foundation of our marriage.

    Your advice here is nails that: I find when I honor my man and respect who he is, the intimacy in our marriage increases.

    We joke a lot in my household about different moments: “You know what I’m thinking? This is a great blog post!” However, there are times when we’ll agree, “Well, while this has been interesting/learning experience, it will never make the blog.” It just isn’t necessary to share everything with the world.

    • Thanks for your encouragement, as always, Kim! I love that you realize that not everything should be shared online…and yes, you’re right, not everyone feels that way. We can all use a reminder to protect our men and families from time to time.

  2. Wise words, Mandy. What an important topic. I especially like #5. I’m guessing not making your man sound like Prince Charming also helps readers relate to you and feel as though you can relate to them.

    • Very true, Mandy! And who doesn’t like to know they aren’t alone? 🙂

  4. Love this post today! Thanks for sharing these tips. I will be saving them for future reference.

  5. Love this post! It’s such a hard balance to be transparent but not moon the world in the process. My husband is very private and I rarely mention him at all in my online writing. I love that you honor your man by respecting his boundaries. 🙂 Btw, my anniversary is coming up here next week – our 20th. 🙂 May is a great month in which to get married! 😉

  6. Wise words. I will take them to heart. Achieving a balance (honesty vs. TMI) is difficult. 🙂

  7. Amen. And Amen. I read your testimony last week or this week … I can’t remember, but it affected me. I have a similar background and it’s by the grace of God I am where I am today. Thank you and J for sharing your story. And shedding light on how you honor him with your blog. I, too, think this is very important in my marriage as well. God bless you! (And by the way, I just subscribed to receive your blog in my email. I have enjoyed it very much thus far.)

    • Cassandra, thank you for your sweet words! I’m so grateful that His story through J and I is something that ministers. I pray that He is always glorified through it! Thank you for sharing that you can relate, I pray that His redemption continues to be in the forefront of your mind, drawing you nearer to Him daily as you live out your testimony! Thank you for your comments, I loved reading your words!

  9. Mandy, thank you. This post felt like it was written for me! To say that I’ve been unsettled about some of these very thoughts would be an understatement. I think what I appreciated the most, though, was that you started with asking God for the peace to move on to #2. I’m keeping this one bookmarked.

  10. Great post Mandy! My husband would love it 😉 I usually let my husband read whatever I write that includes him before I post to get feedback. These tips are awesome and a great way to show priority to our men. Love it!

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