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real light living

I Don’t Do Change Well

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seasons pictureThe mud sticks to my shoes and I’m at a loss whether to wear my dress shoes or my Toms.  Frankly, the shockingly high temperature of 37 degrees Fahrenheit (please oh please read my sarcasm there) made me question whether or not to replace my winter boots with rain boots.  The weather’s constant state of flux testifies that the seasons are indeed changing.  With every pregnant wax and minimizing wane of the moon I’m reminded of the seasons and how they are all managed by the One who created them.  The same One who created me.

I don’t do change well.  Routine is like a large, fluffy, heirloom quilt and I snuggle in with relish and enjoy life from my perch.  I like to know the big picture instead of the next illumined step–the subsequent days and months and years planned in advance.  To know that last year looked like this year and that next year will look the same is so very comforting to me–except that life does not follow my desires nor my pre-planned design.

Life is a conglomeration of seasons marked by the passing of diapers to undies, five-point-harnesses to booster seats, and sippy cups to spilling milk all over the table because everyone is using “big kid cups” and someone just got excited and in reaching to steal a chip/dessert/cookie from a sibling’s plate upturned their cup.  Paper towels, toilet paper, and cleaning solution are purchased in bulk.  Children are undressed, bathed, and re-dressed in an assembly line.  The only predictable aspect of our days is that they will be full of crazy and full of love with a large dose of mischief to keep things interesting.

I struggle with the seasonal-ness of life.  Struggle to the point that I fought it for a long time…okay, honestly I still fight it.  The first few weeks of a new season are the roughest for me.  I complain (mostly to God and sometimes out loud) about the ills of the new routine.  Really, it’s just the groaning of growing pains.  My will molding to His will.  My desires changing to fit His.  My children protest when we go to the park instead of the bounce house or when pb&j is our lunchtime delicacy instead of pizza.  I wonder, do I sometimes resemble them with my lip forced downward and my eyes narrowed, stomping my foot in protest?

Seasons are meant to change.  That’s the whole point.  They are a time through which to walk, to grow, to learn, and to finally put behind us.  So many of us say “this too shall pass” and yes, this season shall too pass.  I’m trying to not become so disillusioned with the difficult parts that I miss the blessing, because all too soon, the moon will appear to grow again, waxing gibbous and beyond to a new season…a different season.  And this different season will have challenges and blessings all its own.  So snuggle down, wrap the quilt around and know that this season is special in and of itself and it won’t last forever.

What season of life do you find yourself in presently?  Do you find yourself eagerly awaiting the conclusion or hoping life could stay this way forever?

xo

Kristina

@kjtanner

Comments

  1. I so get you on this….
    Sometimes I want things to stay the same forever, to not change. I miss people from ‘last season’. Other times I want to rush ahead.

    Sometimes I wish for the next season, because this is one of dirty diapers and babies who don’t seem to get me when I say ‘night night’, one of teething and crying..
    But it is also one of laughing and one of joy when the first english word come out and the baby who starts having discussions with anybody who will listen.
    So I want to enjoy this season because someday I’ll be homesick for it.

    • So very true! I was a stay at home mom from when my third was 10 months old until just last fall. It took me so long to settle into our routine…now I feel like I’m just getting back into the routine of working and balancing, etc. I’m trying to be mindful about longing for last season or expecting too much if myself in this season. It’s a fine line. A fine line. Enjoy your littles and I’ll send up a prayer for the teething! I totally get it!

  2. Hmmm… I’m the opposite! Although I love routine, and try to learn contentment, I love change! Change in weather seasons (although I have favorites!) and seasons of life. I still don’t like waiting for change (especially in life!) and often long for whatever normalcy is supposed to look like as an empty nester… My age/stage now.
    I look forward to the future! It’s not shaping up to what I anticipated it to be, but that’s ok. His plans will be better, growing me along the way! Changing my heart is always better!!

  3. I love how you described routine…”Routine is like a large, fluffy, heirloom quilt and I snuggle in with relish and enjoy life from my perch.” ….because I’m the same way! Thanks for the reminder of how seasons of change are sometimes needed and good even when we don’t think they are at the time.

  4. Your description of Routine as a comfy cozy quilt is so perfect. I have an adventurers heart – but there is always that first few moments/days/weeks where I protest even my own adventurousness. I do so love my routines, though. They bring comfort when things feel like they have the potential to change too fast. I can identify with many of your feelings here!

    • I hate cleaning. Despise it. However, I feel like when change is happening and I can’t figure out which way is up normally cleaning or organizing something helps. Bizarre, right? Thanks for sharing!

  5. I’m in a season of new ministry through blogging, a finished book manuscript, and speaking to women. On top of it all, I’m raising kids and being the best wife I can be. I’m tired, but am so happy to be on the other side of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility. I’m thankful to be able to minister, encourage, and show the love of Jesus to broken hearts.

    Thanks for writing this. I enjoyed the post very much!

    • You’re so very welcome! Wow! I’m so thrilled for you that God is writing a beautiful story out of pain and anguish. I’m so very sorry that you had to experience those things, Jennifer. Blessings on the book and the blog and the speaking!!!

  6. I’m struggling with a season of change right now. Contemplating moving, homeschooling, a new car, and more. Trying to pray about each decision to make sure it’s the right move. Feels like there are lots of pieces and I want to make sure they all fit together the right way.

  7. I can see a new season approaching way too fast–my daughter will graduating from high school and off to college. Too soon. For me, it is the transitions of change that scrap against my comfort zone.

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