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real light living

5 ways to cultivate friendships

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Girlfriend. We weren’t meant to do this life thing alone. We weren’t meant to wear a cape and shout with confidence, “I. need. no. one.” Oh it’s tempting to isolate. It’s tempting to believe the lie that no one else struggles like we struggle or fails like we fail. But that’s not reality. We need community.

 

Sisterhood

 

My dad used to say, “If I have five real, good, loyal friends, then I’m a very wealthy man.” He was right. True friends are priceless.

True friends. The friends that know your weaknesses but love you regardless. The friends that walk with you through dark valleys, even if you put yourself there. The friends that hold you accountable but don’t judge you for your inconsistencies. True friends.

But true friendships don’t just happen when we check the “yes” box on some Will-You-Be-My-Friend survey. Real friendships take time and effort. So here are five things we can do to cultivate real relationships with sister-friends.

Pray for the friendship.

Some of you may not have anyone that you would call a true friend. So it may be that you begin by just asking God to bring a sister-friend into your life. It’s His will that we have community.

Others of us may have someone (or a few someones) that we consider to be a true friend. We can cultivate those friendships by praying for one another.

Send an encouraging word.

I love getting texts from friends that say things like, “I just prayed for you!” Praying for a friend often leaves us with an encouraging word to share. Telling them could be what lifts their spirit today.

Make time for the friendship.

This is where I can fail as a friend. Life gets busy and before I know it weeks have passed since I’ve spent any quality time with certain friends. We have to make time to get together or even just talk on the phone. Because if we don’t spend time together, the friendship won’t deepen.

Be real.

We all struggle. And most of us struggle with the same basic things. When we open ourselves up and become vulnerable with a friend, it encourages them to be vulnerable. And that’s when friendships deepen. So the challenge? Be authentic. Let someone in. Let someone see our heart.

Study God’s Word together.

One way to spur on authenticity is to study the Word together. God’s Word is meant to encourage us as well as reveal places that need His touch. Studying His Word with a friend can lead us into honest conversation and heart transformation.

We need true friendships. And they don’t just happen. You and I can do something today to help cultivate a relationship with that sister-friend.

So tell me, how else do you cultivate friendships?
 

Comments

  2. Oh, how I have prayed this prayer for YEARS in my life -18 to be exact – and God brought treasures – then moved them along. I call it my 18 years in the wilderness.

    Then a spur of the moment move that resulted in rich friendships and kindred spirit community – for 2 1/2 years – and another move and POOF it was gone!

    Now I’m living in another wilderness, where ministry abounds, but apparently not another 50-something woman desiring friendship!

    God has filled my life with college girls wanting a mentor, so I seek Him, PRAY, and am careful to keep my joy tank filled…but it’s hard. At last weeks Women’s Retreat I asked for prayer for one friend. One kindred spirit. One woman who would grow to be comfortable enough to pray, and be silly, and be still and quiet in the still spaces.

    Until He answers, I’ll grow in contentment and spiritual disciplines….I hope…

  3. I love this…I’m someone who craves deep friendship, and I think sometimes it can be a turnoff to friends who would rather keep things closer to the surface. This was a great reminder…that it’s worth it to invest in those deeper friendships. Blessings!

    • I know what you mean, Mel. I’m not much for small talk. I want to know how you *really* are. 🙂 It is worth it but it definitely takes effort. Hope you have a great Saturday!

  4. I was raised in an isolated environment, both taught and learning through tough experiences not to trust anyone. When I was 24, I enlisted in the military and I left my friends behind, (not that I have ever really had many friends like you describe, I can think of 2). I have too many deep, dark secrets, no one wants to listen and they just don’t know how to be understanding. I’m too intense for most people, and I don’t fit into their box of pre-existing expectations. I have not had a close friendship with anyone besides my husband since enlisting. I have made one friend that I have a type of kindred spirit with 10 years ago, but it’s become very rare that we even talk anymore even over Facebook, she is so busy. I have prayed and prayed and prayed… trust me, I cried, on my face before God many times in the past, begging Him for friends. It’s just not what He has had for me. God has had me in a very long season of isolation from friendships. I just don’t have things in common with others, I don’t have it all together, and I’ve honestly just become content without. I’m a SAHM, home educating 4 kids, and I don’t have transportation while my husband has to use our van to get to meetings and training events constantly during his work week. I live on base, and I tried meeting the neighbors, but, well, let’s just say we do not “click”, and anyone not associated with the military can’t come to my house. I now have many acquaintances since joining Facebook, something I never had before, and I get fellowship and God gives me unique ministry opportunities that way, but not close friends. John the Baptist didn’t have a lot of friends, I think there are seasons where God wants to keep us all to Himself, and just like there are people who never marry, not everyone finds those friendships that other people seem to just easily, naturally stumble upon. Community has become a place of unrealistic expectations, judgment, and busy cold-shouldered reactions to me. I’d rather just continue being content.

  5. God has brought me so many wonderful friendships. And it takes time to develop and takes effort on our part to keep the friendship alive! Thanks for sharing these great tips! I especially love discussing God’s Word with my friends, challenging one another in our reading goals, and talking about how His Word is affecting our hearts.

  6. He wrote a precious post, I’m pleased with it. Practical tips, thank you. I was many years looking for an older mentor but never found. In dark times, it is so good that you have friends who support and pray. Fortunately I know that Jesus is my friend. http://kostbaar.blogspot.nl/

  7. Always a great reminder, Lara. I fall down on the “making time” part. Did sign up to join an (in)RL meetup today in April, though!

  8. These are great ideas. I definitely try to make time to connect with my close friends on a daily basis. I need to do a better job of letting them know that I am praying for them.

  9. Lara, this is a wonderful reminder to not try to go it alone. And, these five things, are things we can all do at one point or another in our walk down the road of life.

  10. Connect by serving each other. This is is the advice from a wise woman who does community and friendship in a way that I admire. Her insight- when as moms we vulnerably ask for help, and when friends respond in a sacrificial way whenever possible, our bonds deepen and we’re able to be a part of each others daily lives. Yes, you could drag all your kids to your sick one’s doctor’s appointment, but why not ask a friend for help?

    This group of four friends also makes a point to connect over coffee once a week- from 6-8am Saturday mornings. They sacrifice their sleep and their husbands are willing to sacrifice that bit of weekend time together, to make community and friendship a priority. It’s beautiful!

    Thanks for the great advice!

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