It’s About Time

Well, hello! This is my first time here at Allume and let me say how excited I am about being here! I joined the team back in August but have been living in a whirlwind adjusting to having my husband back home (Army wife, here), the end of graduate school, the end of one job, the beginning of another, and – you know – being a wife, sister, friend, teacher. All that. The reason I’ve been MIA is the very topic of today’s little post.

I tend to plan my days down to the second. The exact moment I can sleep til before I’m late, how long my car should heat up before I leave, how many minutes it takes to drive to work, how much time I can teach before the bell rings, how many minutes milliseconds I have to run to the bathroom, how many hours until the buses come, how long I have to make dinner, how long I can blog before bed. You know this drill. 

This need to plan second-by-second can quickly spread from just my day to my life as whole. My paper business is my passion. But, running the business at night leaves me often praying for “that day” when it will support our family on its own. Though I never forget to thank God for His blessings in my day, I find my prayers filled with quite a few “when?”s. Lately, more than ever, the Lord has been showing me that though I may logistically plan the happenings of my day, my life is on His time. And, y’all, what is so bad about that? 

I’ll tell you what: that I’m not in control.

My selfish heart wants to pick my own “that day” where Puddleduck miraculously pays all our bills. I want to know the next step, the next chapter. Lately when I find myself grumbling about the ambiguity of my path, I can truly hear God reminding me that He’s got this. Not the check-on-me-every-now-and-then kind of ‘got this’, but the hold-me-in-his-arms, mold-me-perfectly-in-his-will kind. Then, just like that, I go from disheartened and unconfident to uplifted and oh so faithful. I remember that I don’t have to know. I don’t have to make things happen. God gave me the heart and talent to do what I do, He will use me as He sees fit. Which, is better than anything I ever have in mind. every. single. time. 

I’m learning to stop asking “when?” and start praying for a trusting, patient heart. 

  • Mandy

    What a great message and reminder, Mattie. I have a special love for paper and art in general, so I had to jump over and check out Puddleduck. Just lovely! I am excited to explore your designs:) Blessings!

  • Kim Hall

    Your post brought a smile to my face, as your conversations sound a lot like mine: When God? I’ve been faithful, and it would be nice to have that income, so what is next? I really, really, really would like to be adding to the family budget…

    He answers: Patience, child. Keep walking this path. I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Just listen and stay close to me.

    Thanks for the reminder. It is always so good to meet others on similar paths. :-)

  • Christy Fitzwater

    I’ve been learning that lesson the last few years, too. I think Satan lies that if we give control to God we LOSE control of our lives. I’ve found the opposite to be true -when I trust God with the when and how, peace and joy and exciting adventures follow. Thank you for sharing this word today -it’s a good one!
    P.S. I ask God’s blessing on your paper business!

  • Aubrey

    Oh Mattie, you could have written this just for me! As I started reading your tale of planning your days down to the second I thought, “Me too!”, and it took all of my willpower to not reach into my bag, pull out my planner, and start fine tuning my schedule and to-do list for this evening. (My first evening all week that I get to head straight home after work rather than off to another meeting or to run errands, mind you.) This hyper planning is exhausting, but sometimes it is all I can do to feel like I have a grasp on my life when that life has not turned out at all as I had “planned”. (Yes, I see the irony in that statement.) :)

    Control is both my oxygen and my Kryptonite, when really it needs to be my sacrifice. God has already got it; He is in control. He is the Master Planner, and I need to place my desire for control at His feet. Thank you for your words and your encouragement to do just that.