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Quit fretting about making things happen

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My business coach, Denise Martin (who is amazing), asked me to do an exercise earlier this year. I hemmed and hawed a bit, then finally got to it. And I was shocked at the repercussions. I tend to be a driven person. I don’t like that, and I’m hoping to change more and more, but there it is. So the thing she asked me to do was to recount my year and look at the things I tried to initiate as well as the surprises God brought about. After I read both lists, I was both shocked and humbled. Here they are:

Things I tried very hard to make happen:

  1. Launch The Muir House in such a way that it would sell well. (It didn’t, though Zondervan did a great job of creating a page for the book on my facebook page and sent out lots of influencer copies.)
  2. Advertising on MaryDeMuth.com. It’s been a fairly successful endeavor, but not as consistent as I’d like.
  3. Sent a letter to my first stepfather in hopes of clarifying some memories, but received nothing back. Yet another dead end on some loose ends I can’t seem to tie up.
  4. Tried affiliate marketing. Pretty much the same result as advertising.
  5. Created several ebooks and a few print books. I’ve been mildly successful.
  6. Attempted to pitch and sell fiction again. I do believe I’ll write it again, but the timing’s not right.
  7. Tried to figure out SEO. Made several posts optimized on MaryDeMuth.com. Saw absolutely no return for that labor.
  8. Tried to reignite a couple friendships, but they didn’t work out.
  9. Tried to start a memoir about my father, but every time I researched and sat down to write it, a huge blanket of depression descended over me. I abandoned the project until I feel strong enough to tackle it in the future.
  10. Advertised 11 Secrets to Getting Published through an email list that cost way too much and had very little result. (Ouch.)
  11. Tried a chiropractor. The whole process just freaked me out.
  12. Tried to write a short novella based on The Muir House, but the time of year (Christmas) and my schedule wouldn’t allow it.
  13. Uploaded The Quarryman’s Wife as an ebook, then re-read it and caught way too many embarrassing errors. Yikes! Note to self: edit and re-edit and hire someone else! (Yes, it’s fixed.)
  14. Paid to have a forum put up on my site. Big disaster. Money spent for no return. (Golly, I hate that!)
  15. Thought Jesusy would be a great title for my growth book until we polled my readers. They HATED it. Back to the drawing board.

Things God orchestrated last year

  1. Gave me a sweet time with my sister, her hubby and my nephews in Washington.
  2. Introduced me to Michele Perry, author of Love Has a Face. Meeting her had a huge impact on my faith and the way I view my walk with God.
  3. Orchestrated a nonfiction book contract with Thomas Neslon. I absolutely did very little to make that happen. (A huge nod to my agent Esther, and to Bryan Norman, my editor there for believing in me.)
  4. Provided a scholarship to attend the Relevant conference in October (now Allume :). This year, I’ll be a speaker!
  5. Gave our family a sweet vacation spot in Colorado that we could afford. Our family had an amazing week of outdoor beauty and reconnection.
  6. Provided a dear friend and photographer who took our family pictures this year for free.
  7. Reminded me of my eldest daughter’s skills and married that to my need for an assistant. Together we make a formidable force. She gets paid (something she needs) and I get assisted!
  8. Created fans for Beautiful Battle without me asking or seeking or trying. Folks reviewed the book and hollered about it without me having to ask.
  9. Approached by a pastor who watched me speak at the Christian Book Expo a few years ago (about parenting) and asked me to do a parenting conference in February this year. I did no finagling to find this opportunity. If you’d like to listen to the podcast, you can here.
  10.  Appeared on The 700 Club, telling my thin place story. I honestly don’t know how they found me.
  11. Created a deep sense of camaraderie among my senior girls discipleship group. That kind of group is rare and beautiful.
  12. Completed Beautiful Battle on the strength of some friends’ ardent prayers. That was a hard book to write.
  13. Opened up two very fruitful speaking opportunities in California and Indiana, where I felt God truly move through me to touch women’s lives.
  14. Approached to speak at the Orange County Christian Writers Conference about memoir. While there, had the opportunity to be coached by Alice Crider. Her words helped reorient my heart and perspective.
  15. Provided for my business.
  16. Connected me to an excellent accountant after my bookkeeper retired. 
  17. Provided a full tuition ride for my eldest daughter Sophie for the college she wanted to attend.
  18. Connected me to a group of young bloggers/marketers that ended up creating a new kind of book tour for The Muir House.
  19. Attended Catalyst Dallas, which showed me there were speakers out there who spoke like me—more gut honest and raw. This greatly encouraged me.
  20. Guest posted on Michael Hyatt’s blog a few times. Always a grace encounter!
  21. Asked to write a devotional for iShine ministries, which brought in much needed income. And it goes live in September, Around the Word in 60 Seconds. 
  22. Changed from Turning Trials to Triumph to Live Uncaged. I went through a long process to figure that out, but ultimately God whispered the Live Uncaged to me. It fits. It so fits.
  23. Provided much needed business and life coaching through Denise Martin at Bridgelite.
  24. Kept putting people in my life in random ways that helped me see that abundance lurked on the horizon.
  25. Kept me connected to Randy Ingermanson who has helped me tremendously in thinking strategically about my web presence and time management.
  26. Provided a husband who cheerleads me in my work.
  27. Provided for our son Aidan to go to Ghana this last summer (and this summer: Haiti).
  28. Gave me the words to write my book Everything with Thomas Nelson. Also not an easy book to write (or live out.). I’m thrilled it’ll release in October.

What I Realized

  • God did far more initiating (with success) than I did. And His God-incidences were far more interesting and fun than my drudgery.
  • Why in the world do I fret so much? What is it about me that strives and tries and thinks that my efforts amount to much? Am I that crazy?
  • There is peace in letting go of the reins of my career. God obviously knows better than I do.
  • A caveat: Just because some of the God things resulted in cool things and some of my things resulted in failure, doesn’t mean that’s always the way things work. Sometimes God leads us into situations that look like failure in order to teach us something. And sometimes our own us-inspired victories have lessons aplenty. The key is resting in God’s sovereign plan, however that may unfold, and entrust the results to Him.
  • What I do in my own effort apart from God profits me nothing.
  • It’s vitally important to seek God in everything I do.
  • Simply moving forward with impatience can bring potential disaster.
  • God’s surprises often involved people and relationships.
  • God will equip us if we open our eyes to the experts He sends our way.
  • I can trust God. Scheming is for the birds!

I’d like you to try this exercise and get back to me in the comments section. How has this exercise shocked you? Changed you? Moved you? Convicted you?

By Mary DeMuth at LiveUncaged.com

Comments

  1. Mary, this is a fabulous challenge. While I fret and spin my wheels trying to network and get followers, I’ve watched Him do amazing things in the lives of my friends. Things like make a blog post go viral, arrange meetings with agents, etc. Truly “God-sized” things.

    Thanks for the encouragement to do what we’re called and trust Him with the results. (btw I was an influencer for Muir House and enjoyed it!)

  2. The timing of this is amazing! I am about to launch a new blog and the design has been slower than I like. I feel like there is this timer inside of me that’s about to unwind and I’ll be out of time (ridiculous)! What a great assignment and a great way to reflect and remind yourself of all that God can do, if we get out of the way! Thank you!

  3. Mary, I haven’t done the exercise yet, but I can already see how it applies to my blogging. The more orchestrating I do, especially getting too wrapped up in marketing, the more I start spinning out, When I ask Him what He wants, things tend to go much more smoothly. Thanks for these words. Can’t wait to share space with you on the 14th:)

    • I hear you. I’ve been there with blogging too. It’s always amazing to me how God brings cool opportunities, and when I try to make things happen, opportunities seem to vanish.

  4. Wow! I really needed this today (well I needed it 4 days ago, but I got depressed about it yesterday…so today I’m ready to hear it).

    2 years ago God moved us in my husbands career, and it landed us in a church with a lot of small world moments, which resulted in a high-impact volunteer position that incorporated a lot of my passions. It was a perfect match; a wonderful fit!

    Now He’s moving us again- a great career move for my husband, but our church choice is already slamming my head against a wall, and despite a sucessful ministry God developed using me, there doesn’t seem to be a purpose for either of us here. I’m depressed and flabbergasted!

    I feel peace now that either this is not where He wants us to invest in ministry, or He will open another door in either fellowship or ministry. I don’t have to “do” anything but serve Him, go through this month of transition and wait in him, and ON HIM. If its a season of rest, I’ll treasure it and grow closer in Him.

    Thanks for affirming this season, and suggesting it would be fruitless for me to struggle in it!

    • Marina, what a hard place to be. When we lived in France, I felt the same way you did–like I had given up a dream and lived in a holding pattern. I couldn’t understand why God had us there. Five years later, I understand. I grew more there in the desert than any fruitful ministry time. Dig in. Growth is coming.

  5. It is amazing how God worked in your life, even though you were trying to orchestrate other things. I think if your heart is right, God blesses (His way), which is best for us.

  6. Oh, I will be doing this. I have to use my strength to put it into my calendar as a to-do, rather than jettisoning my scheduled activities today. I have no doubt my “What God did” list will be much longer than what I attempted.

    The need to try this and that, to do what others are doing, to get out there and move and shake. . . Well, that rarely ends how I imagined or hoped.

    Probably one of the most difficult things I fight every day is the idea that I have to make things happen. I can say unequivocally that when I let go, pray, listen, and especially follow, THAT is when amazing things happen. When I allow the refreshment He pours into me to flow outward and refresh others in a time and place He directs, THAT is when I am most fulfilled, at peace, and I suspect, the most helpful.

    Thanks so much for this encouraging exercise. I look forward to doing it!

  7. I’ll be back…I want to do this exercise.
    First day of school and this is going to require some pause and thought and sifting.But it’s usually the way He works though, isn’t it?I was reading Ezek. 36:22-28 this morning. I’m such a do-er.The who passage is God saying– ” I WILL cleanse…give…put…remove…cause…for the sake of My Holy Name.”
    I saw a lot of that in here and it greatly encourages me.LoveK

  9. God is so good! I love seeing what He has done in your life. It reminds me of Psalm 40:5, “O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,I would never come to the end of them.”

  10. Okay, you are way bigger potatoes than I am…but the principle is the same. I have tired growing my blog readership, and it did-a bit. But the past couple weeks it has exploded (for me=)), and I haven’t done anything different. God is doing it. I am humbled and grateful.
    On another note, I keep seeing these Allume posts. It sounds like a great conference. I am actually attending my first blogging conference in October-Influence. Maybe Allume next year?

  11. I’ve been doing what everyone else suggests and not getting the same results. I’ve been getting frustrated and worse than that, I’ve been losing confidence in myself. But, based on your post, that’s not the worst thing that can happen, it’s good I’m losing confidence in myself. I somehow took the reins from the Lord again. I had to use those words because as I read through the comments, I agreed, it is what happened. Somewhere along the way I took over. I took the liberty of sharing a poem I had written years ago. Obviously I needed to read it again.

    When I did the exercise you suggested I did it twice. Once on a walk with my daughter as I shared what your post had said, and then after the walk I did it again seeing how things I initiate don’t compare with God’s movements.

    You know, when people share things they do and how it has worked for them there is something that’s missing, the fact that they are doing what they think they are supposed to do. That doesn’t mean it’s a one size fits all.
    Thanks so much for the post.

    I think I’ll just sit and let God drive again.

    Take the Reins, Lord

    I got so weary on my journey with the paths that you would choose,
    I thought my driving was much better so I took the reins from you.

    When you drove we moved too slowly, people passed us all the time,
    We were simply getting nowhere, so I snatched those reins from you.

    But now we’re lost, and I am tired, even though we made great time,
    I think we missed our destination when I took those reins from you.

    I humbly ask you to forgive this arrogance inside of me
    and I would be so very grateful if you’d take these reins from me.

    Help me sit, without complaining. Lord, I pray, give me your grace,
    So I can just enjoy the journey, taking pleasure in your pace.
    Anne Peterson

      • Thanks Mary. So many times God has used the poetry he’s given me to teach me. Funny isn’t it, I thought I was writing for others. 🙂

        I would still like to know when you know to not even try some of the things that others have found helpful. Really, this post today has helped me.

        • I do try most everything, but if it doesn’t fit right, I shed it. Kind of like trying on clothes. And of course, I try to listen to the Lord as I move forward.

  12. I still want to sit down and record all the ways you and your journey are impacting me and mine. You continue to do so through posts such as this. Thank you for being real and vulnerable and sharing the failures that make you turn to Christ.

    I feel as if the past month has been this exercise for me. He is faithful every day to show me ways I am trying to make things happen and ways He has it all under control. For example… yesterday, on the way to my daughter’s junior high volleyball game, a reporter called and asked to interview me about my book. A friend had given her my name and number. Had a beautiful time of conversation over iced tea today with her. All God orchestrated. Amazing!

    Thank you, Mary!!

  15. Thank you for the wonderful post…I know I’ve tallied these sorts of things in my head in the past, but have never sat down to write them all down. Last Fall, when i was doing some fretting about all of the things I felt I was unable to accomplish in regards to writing goals (because my children are young and need me lots (:) I clearly remember God saying…”Lisa, I can accomplish more in one moment when the time is right than you can accomplish through years of striving and fretting over these things.” That really silenced me!!! Now I’m working on the contentment peace that comes with waiting…

    Thanks for the encouragement…I look forward to hearing you speak at Allume!

  16. Okay, so I had no idea it was you, Mary, writing this post. Hah!

    What a great exercise. I’ll have to put it on my to do list for an extended quiet time with the Lord, after the in laws leave!

  17. Love this! I’m a wanna-be writter. I have done a bit of freelance work, but mostly want to get my novel published (but too scared to actually put it out there to make that happen…not a good combination!). Anyway, I can’t wait to get to meet you (or at least hear you speak), at Allume conference!
    And, I too, have a much more successful list of things that God orchestrates than the things that I try to make happen on my own. Thanks for sharing!

  18. I loved this. Thanks for sharing so openly. Before I even got to your lists, a light went on when you divided it into two groups: the “my work” and “His power” groups. The only thing left to say is, “Amen!”
    Blessings,
    Ann

  20. Mary, this exercise rocks!!

    I made my own list and posted it on my blog (and I’m going to be doing it at least once a year now!)

  21. Appreciate your honesty and how you illustrated John 15:5 with your post…I will try to this exercise sometime this week… Thanks, Mary 🙂

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