It was one of “those” weeks. Nothing was going right at work. I was irritated with my boss, the clothes in my closet, and life in general. Our baby girl was sick and refused to eat. My alarm failed to go off three days in a row and I missed my time at the gym. I messed up my shower routine and shaved my legs BEFORE washing my hair. I put blush on before my foundation. I had to iron a shirt with my straight iron (on the plus side, it worked!). During my quiet time on our deck my sweet husband locked me out of the house.
Locked. Out.
In my pjs.
At 6:30 a.m.
And he got in the shower, so my annoyed, pounding on the door was futile. I fumed. I fussed. I finally remembered where the spare key was hidden. Off I traipsed, around the yard in my shabby pajamas, barefoot, annoyed, and had to try EVERY DOOR before I found the one our key opened.
Y’all didn’t know I was so full of grace and loveliness in the mornings, did you? Oh yes. I’m a charmer. Ahem.
I wish I could tell you that God spoke a good Word into my heart while I was in the shower that morning, about forgiveness or being still and enjoying the time I had outside with His creation. But I can’t lie to you. I’m entirely too humbled to share this space to make myself out to be more than I am. I was just fed up with the foolishness of my week and wanted to cry “uncle.” Or just cry.
Instead, I write to you. I tell you about my bad week, hoping it will make someone feel less alone for not having the perfect reaction all the time. And as it gets out of my head and onto the screen, it makes space to hear God to remind me that He is doing a good work in my heart, whether I recognize it or not. He has plans for me, changes He desires in my heart and my relationship with Him, and the big one, right now, is prayer. He wants me to learn to pray, to follow the example of the faithful in scripture, like Nehemiah.
Nehemiah who chose prayer first, action second (if at all). Nehemiah prayed for months when he heard what was happening in Jerusalem (Chapter 1) before he had an opportunity to act. He prayed under his breath before asking permission to go rebuild the wall (Chapter 2). He prayed when the builders were under attack (Chapter 4), before arming them and reminding them to focus on God and their families, and on and on.
God wants me to trust that He hears me, as frustrated as I am when I feel like a broken record and nothing seems to change for months at a time. When I feel attacked. When I forget why I’m doing what it is He called me to do. When I feel locked out of where I think I should be and nothing I do is working, He wants me to pray.
I’m nearly 30, and I admit that I don’t really know how to pray. I can say the words, sure, but my heart isn’t always engaged. I am, however, desperate and willing to learn. If this is an area you struggle with, I’d invite you to join me in asking God to reveal how we can unlock the doors to a fruitful and sweet prayer life with Him.
As I study through Nehemiah this summer, I’m committing to pray faithfully for God to reveal to my heart how He wants me to use the passions and talents He’s given me, to open doors and to walk in faith. What has God asked you to commit to prayer this season?
Mary Bonner says
July 17, 2012 at 7:25 amThank You for your honesty. I see myself in this post. A lot! I probably need to read Nehemiah too!
Mary
http://memyselfandmercy.blogspot.com/
Crystal says
July 17, 2012 at 8:36 amI have to admit, Nehemiah is one of those books that I’ve always skimmed when I’ve attempted to read the whole Bible, but it is just full of little gems 🙂
Sarrilly says
July 17, 2012 at 7:29 amSo so true. I like that – asking God to reveal how we can unlock the doors to a fruitful and sweet prayer life with Him.
It’s something I feel God tugging on my heart to learn this summer, too. Thanks for this encouragement!!! 🙂
Crystal says
July 17, 2012 at 8:35 amOh Sarah, I wish we lived closer & could do this study together! You would love it 🙂
Lisa Hamer says
July 17, 2012 at 9:05 amHmmmm Prayer…I’ve discovered, for me, prayer without time for pondering are just words. It is in those quite, thinking, listening moments that he whispers to my heart.
Amy says
July 17, 2012 at 10:25 amSounds like a great book to read. And I, already past 30 still feel as though I am not sure I really know how to pray or that like Nehemiah I pray first. And if I do, then do I wait?? I want to pray and jump up and do something. Think I will also be studying this book soon! Thank you for sharing.
Crystal says
July 17, 2012 at 2:36 pmI’m a “spring into action” girl – the waiting (or just trusting that someone else will take care of it) is SO hard for me. God knows just where to grow me 😉 I hope you’ll let me know if you go through the study, I think you’ll like it!
Elizabeth Walker says
July 17, 2012 at 10:36 amThanks for this post. The two paragraphs after the pic really resonated with me. I’ve been convicted lately to pray FIRST and wait to act … and like you said “if at all.” I do feel “locked out” in certain situations, but reallly, where better to leave them (again and again) than at the throne of God?
Crystal says
July 17, 2012 at 2:34 pmBeautifully said – and a good reminder to me this afternoon 🙂
Shawna Cook-Puckett says
July 17, 2012 at 2:22 pmThank you so much for sharing your true self with us. I found your words encouraging because at times (most of the time really) I feel so utterly alone. I try praying it out, however, my thoughts end up drifting off to something else somewhere else. Or the “demons” in my head drowned out my own prayers. I too am learning how to pray, when to pray and BE STILL (which frankly is very hard for me). Again thank you.
Shawna Cook-Puckett says
July 17, 2012 at 2:24 pmBy the way…it’s funny you should mention Nehemiah as the book you turn to. I had a dream one night last week and there was a very vivid part in it where someone handed me a piece of paper and all it said on it was “Nehemiah”. I read the whole book the next morning. I think I will read it again to see if I can figure out what God is telling. Heart be still and open….
Crystal says
July 17, 2012 at 2:33 pmOh I’m so glad you shared that 🙂 And I completely relate to your previous comment – that is exactly how my brain works, drifting, getting “stuck” on something I said/did/didn’t do during the day or in the past, thinking about my “to do list” – being still is so challenging, but so good for us when we can do it!
Amy Tilson says
July 17, 2012 at 9:20 pmOh, Crystal, weeks like that -days like that – just test your mettle, don’t they? Thanks for your honesty. I know I can feel very alone and like such a spiritual loser at times. Knowing that I’m the only one who displays less than righteous behavior and attitudes is encouraging. We have to just keep plugging along and learn where we need help – then ask for it.
Laura says
July 17, 2012 at 10:57 pmThank you for the reminder to pray first and act second. It was a reminder that I needed today.
Anonymous says
July 22, 2012 at 12:41 amOh I can so relate to everything you wrote. This entire year has felt like that for me the majority of the time. I am trying to learn and grow and wait during this desert. Thank you for sharing! Misty