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When You’re Afraid to Leave

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When You're Afraid to Leave

She could barely get the words out. Her tears soaked my hair as her little face rested against mine.

Bedtime started as ordinarily as ever last night, but as I turned out the light, fear spilled out of my little girl’s heart. These were big things — sickness and death and goodbyes. Cares a five-year old shouldn’t be carrying.

Worry oozed and fear gripped my girl.

I could see myself in her. Fear has always been a stronghold in my life. Even as a child, I couldn’t last the night at a friend’s house without being so ravaged by fear, I’d have to call home.

Homesickness, they called it.

The only way I could make it a night away was to open the Word and cling to Peace.

So last night, I did with her, what I learned to do so very many years ago. We leaned on Truth.

I looked forward to bedtime yesterday.

I had been eager to get writing. The deadline of this post loomed, but I knew that no naps and lots of fresh, fall air promised an easy, early bedtime for the kids.

But bedtime wasn’t what I expected, and as I sit here now, searching for words to fan the flame of excitement about Allume, all I can think of is how scared I am.

I am so excited about Allume — about seeing friends and meeting you and growing and learning and being challenged and encouraged. But I am afraid to leave.

I’m afraid to be so far away. I’m afraid of what could happen and the million what ifs that are traipsing through my mind.

These four people are my whole world.

The idea of leaving them behind as I fly across the country petrifies me. The thought that something could happen to one of them makes me so scared, I have honestly considered selling my ticket and not attending the conference.

Friends, call me weak, but I am afraid to leave home.

I know this post won’t be for everyone. I might even seem a little crazy to some of you, but in case there are a few others who are afraid to leave behind everything that makes this world seem right, may I just remind you, as I remind myself, what my daughter and I remembered last night?

I need to hear these words again and some of you do, too.

God knows each of our days. He numbered them. He wrote the story. He planned each day before even one came to be. And our God is a good God, who loves us and chose us and cares for each of our needs.

Everything that we experience, He has already filtered through His loving, sovereign hands, and He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

Yes, in this world, we will have trials. We will experience pain, but God has overcome this world. In Him, we have a new and living hope, a hope that will not disappoint!

Dear Sister, if you, like me, are facing fear today, may we saturate our minds and our hearts in the Word of God. He will keep in perfect peace, she whose mind is steadfast because she trusts in God!

While we are away, when we are scared, can we strengthen one another with these words?

I will need you to remind me of God’s truth and of His character, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

What an opportunity we will have to encourage one another to hold fast to our God who holds us all!

May it not be said that we never feared. May it be said of us that when we were afraid, we trusted God.

Praying that each of us, by God’s will, will come with joy and be refreshed by each others’ company. May the God of peace be with us all!

-erika

erikadawson.com

 

Question for You: In thinking about the upcoming conference, what are some of the fears you are facing? How can I pray for you?

 

*I referenced quite a few Scripture passages in this post. These are a few I come back to again and again —  Psalm 139:16, Psalm 100:5, John 15:16, Ephesians 1:4, Philippians 4:19, Matthew 6:25-34, Psalm 103, Romans 8:28, John 16:33, 1 Peter 1:3, Romans 5:5, Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 56:3-4, Romans 15:32-33

 

Flickr Photo Credit: Angelo DeSantis

Comments

  1. Ericka, this is fantastic, and is a must read. I think we all have those “what if” fears when we are absent from our family, but are afraid to say that we are afraid! Thank you for stepping out in boldness and transparency and saying the things we all feel when we board that plane. Well done!

    • Thanks so much for your kind words, Christie. I don’t think I’ll be in a puddle of tears at the conference (only in line at the airport!) but I know that foreboding knot will fill my stomach if I don’t keep my mind stayed on the Word. So thankful that we can pray for each other and stand on Truth together!

  2. I was just praying through tears this morning, wondering if I should sell my ticket. I’m panicked about leaving my 1 year old for the first time, for 4 days! What was I thinking? I’m pretty sure I’ve run every scenario through my head of how it will go, except for the one where everything is fine. I felt it was so clear how God prompted me to go to Allume and then provided for me financially, and now I’m second guessing it all, fueled by fear. But I know that I need to trust that if He called me, He is taking care of my family (and isn’t He always, anyway?). This post was perfectly timed for me and even more confirmation that I need to give up my fears to Him. Thank you for your honesty. I’m praying for all of us who are nervous to leave home.

  3. I do not have little kiddos in my house, but I do remember as a little girl how fear gripped me. I had a lot of friends, but I was such a homebody that I would call my parents to come and pick me up from a sleepover. I was afraid, but Jesus was right there with me as He still is today and always will be. I grew out of that thanks to loving parents, loving friends, and a loving God and Savior! I will be praying for you moms who are afraid of leaving your little ones. Know that Jesus is right there with you and with your family! If you need me, I will be at Allume with packs of Dove Dark Chocolate to give away (my new favorite? Dark Chocolate with Mint Swirls!! Guaranteed to take away fear! :->) <

    • Being homesick was so embarrassing for me, but now I am so thankful for those challenges b/c I learned at such a young age to turn to Jesus and His Word for strength and comfort and peace.

      Thanks for the encouragement, Lara! I’ll take you up on that chocolate!! 😉

  4. i’m not going to the conference, and i’m not afraid of leaving home, but i DO suffer serious fears. mostly car wrecks and other accidents that i am afraid will take my family from me. i have to cling to truth to stave off the dark fears….

  5. I’ve been watching this conference happen for the past two years and last night I was able to buy a last-minute ticket from a woman who can’t go. I went to be excited and woke up horrified. What had I done? What was I thinking? Do I dare?
    This post was such an encouragement.
    Thank you
    …and I can’t wait to see you there!

  6. Oh, how I know that journey of fear well. Last year was my first time attending Allume, but it was also the first time I had attended a conference by myself, hours away from home. To simply leave our town was a huge step for me, much less drive to a different state on my own. While the fear wanted to encompass my heart, as I pressed through, the freedom that came from those steps was amazing. This year, I can not wait to come and so excited to see what God wants to do in and through each of us.

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