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real light living

Fine

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I’m going to be very real with y’all right now.

I found poop on my wall the other day. It had been there less than a week but more than a day.

Let’s visit a few important points about the sentences above:

1. I live in south-central PA and the “south” part of that statement makes it ok for me to say “y’all.

2. Also I like to drink out of mason jars. That’s southern. Right?

3. I have a 6 month old daughter

4. My life is a little chaotic at times

5. The wall is now clean

Now that we’ve gotten all the essentials out of the way, let me confess something else to you. It’s not easy for me to be real. I would much rather tell you that I’m fine, or tell you the funny “poop on the wall” story to distract you from the reality that I am struggling, feeling alone, and could use a hug. And some chocolate. Preferably dark chocolate with sea salt caramel.

I posted here about my issue with saying “no” and how I’m working on overcoming my need to please everyone and I’m realizing that this people pleasing persona that I’ve developed over the years has also turned me into a “fine” machine.

How was work today? Fine.

Actually it was wonderful. I was recognized by the CEO for doing a wonderful job and he wants to know how I would handle managing people. I also came up with a great idea that will save the organization money, and I bought a hot pink binder for the big project I’m working on. But that all sounds like pride and I don’t want to make anyone feel bad if they had a bad day or don’t have similar opportunities for advancement, so I’ll just stick with “fine.”

How’s the little one? Fine.

Actually she is the light of my life, but she seems to hate sleeping, has a cold, is a bundle of drool, snot, and – apparently – projectile poop. Sleep deprivation is physically painful, I feel like I never make the right decision with her, I can’t figure out when/how much/how frequently to give her baby food, and I think she’s teething. But since that all sounds like complaining, I’ll just say “fine.”

How’s everything going with your husband? Fine.

Actually the sleep deprivation and stress of having a 6 month old is putting a strain on our marriage and it’s not easy right now. He is my best friend and I love him more than life, but we’re concerned about his job security and he’s hit the burn-out stage in the school year. But since I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea or think we’re not both on the same team fighting through it all, I’ll just say “fine” so they aren’t worried for us.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think God wants me to be fine all the time. How do I rely on Him if I never have a reason to trust Him with the present or the future? And isn’t it a slight against the gifts He’s given us if we can’t use them for His glory? My love language, for example, is words of affirmation. If I’m always fine, am I keeping someone from using their gift of encouragement to speak love & truth over my life? And if I never give anyone a reason to affirm me, and my “love tank” stays on empty, how can I pour out into my family, coworkers, and friends? Let’s stop being fine, and start practicing being real.

So friends, how are you today?


 

Bio: Crystal Stine has a heart for encouraging women through the written word. She blogs at Shine where you’ll find posts about motherhood, marriage, friendship, God and more. Crystal spends her days working at a bank as a project manager and marketing officer and manages the worship band Stars Burn Down. You can follow Crystal on Twitter at @CrystalStine.

 

Comments

  1. I love this…and I think sometimes it is good to hold our tongue if we think what we might say would make someone feel uncomfortable.  But yes, sometimes we hold back when we shouldn’t!
    It’s going to be a tough week for me.  My kids end school this week and my husband is out of town as well.  Lots of transition without backup!

    • Amy – I completely agree – I don’t know that I would open up like this to a stranger in the grocery store, but I’m trying to start with people who actually know me & would care 🙂 Will be praying for you this week! 

  2. Oh, I have been working at not saying “fine” as well. Trying to open my heart to others by opening my life to them as well. Great reminder.

  3. Love you, and love that you’re not FINE!  Great post, and something that every woman needs to hear in order to help them stop and examine their own lives and the times that they respond with, “I’m fine.”  I’ll take poop on the wall stories any day 🙂

    • Hi, friend! Thanks for hopping over here to read 🙂 You’re such an encouragement to me!

  4. Ha! Ha! I am not fine either…and that is exactly where He wants me to be. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in having poop on my walls! 🙂

  5. Bravo, Crystal! You put into words what many women must feel–I know I do!  It’s as if I’m comparing myself to what a think a “good Christian” is.  Thanks for your words.

    • Amanda – I’m blessed that you were encouraged by this post! Imagine what we could accomplish if we just jumped fully into who God created us to be?

  6. Hi Crystal,

    As you can see if you hop over to my blog: http://www.themarriageguyandgal.blogspot.com, today’s post and the one prior to it both have the same kind of themes as your’s here: being honest/real with being authentic, and finding a way to make life more manageable.  In June, I am going to blog for 30 days about my journey to press into God, and make sense of house, home, health, and work, as well as grow in what the Lord has for me.  I hope you and others feeling the way we apparently are right now will join me there!

    I plan to follow you, as well… we all need more “real” in our lives.

    Blessings, Michelle

  7. Hahahahaha. Poop on the wall. Been there, done that. I have 5 littles. I know about being “fine” with your spouse while having a 6 month old who is teething, not sleeping through the night, wants mama time…ALL THE TIME. Just know, it’s almost over! 🙂 The days are long but the years are short. Praying for your…er…poop issue. 😉

    Jamie (www.alittlespotofgrace.blogspot.org)

    • Jamie, your comment made me laugh 🙂 Thank you for helping this tired mama feel less alone. Oh the things they don’t tell you in those baby books {wink}

  8. I was “fine” this morning when my agent tried to tell me something (can’t remember what now) and I replied with something nonsensical because of my stupid fibro fog. I think I scared him off. I’m “fine” now when my car won’t start, my daughter has to be at a test 1/2 hour away (and I had to ask a favor of my MIL to get her there), and AAA is being stupid. And inefficient. OK, maybe I’m not fine. Thanks for letting me vent!

    • Bethany, thank you for sharing! If we can’t vent to one another and love on each other like Christ in this community, we’re missing out. Praying that God brings some peace to your day, some efficiency to AAA, and understanding to your agent. 

  9. I love how you highlighted that not saying your “fine” includes sharing times when things are going well. Life has ups and downs, and we need to be willing to share it all! For me today, things are going well. I got up on time for Hello Mornings, had my devotional, and got some work down. Thomas and I went to the park, and now he’s napping. Praise the Lord!

    Thanks for being honest and real with the good and the bad!

    Mary Beth

    • Thanks, friend! I’m so glad your day is going well, it’s good to celebrate with you! 

  10. Crystal…thank you….there were tears on my face before I started reading you post – today’s had its “unfine” moments…but your authenticity and humor have turned my day around. Thank you for reminding us of the comfort and support and treasures to be found being real.
    –Trina, Mom to 3, age 5 and under, who got 4 hours of sleep last night, doesn’t have time to write all the stuff on her heart, has 5 loads of laundry to do and whose toddler spread tile grout all over the bathroom this morning before breakfast and she still hasn’t cleaned it up. But with so much to be grateful for. 🙂

    • Oh Trina, thank you for sharing. I wish I could give you a hug, a big cup of coffee & help you clean that grout while we laugh about the craziness that is motherhood. You clearly focus your time on the right things – your kiddos 🙂 It’s not easy, it’s not glamorous, but it’s always worth it – praying you get extra restful sleep tonight!

  11. I recently read the book SHAPE by Erik Rees. In it he says fine stands for Feelings Inside Never Expressed. I thought that was a brilliant acronym.

    Thanks for sharing your heart today. It’s true, we need to be more honest with each other, about the good and the bad.

  12. Hey, Crystal! Look at all these comments!

    I think you are going to make a FINE roomate at the conference. 😉

  13. Crystal,

    Thank you for this wonderful post. This is really something I struggle to remember. Thanks for the reminder that admitting that everything isn’t fine is okay and God can use our weakness to work in us. Praying for you, my friend!

    🙂 Abbey

  14. Fine…. a valid comment…. in some cases, I prefer for others to say fine…otherwise I would have to listen to them complain or whine.
    Fine…. a dodging comment…. when you just don’t want others to know that you don’t have it together, or other times when if you were REAL, you would just break down and cry
    Fine… something most of us are not..and we know who we can be be more than fine or less than fine with.
    Know there are those that will laugh with you, cry with you and lift your burden to the Lord on those, far from fine days!
    Yes, its tough to be real in blog land, where sometimes its all clean houses, Mothers of the year, beautiful gardens, perfect children (without a dirty face), etc…..
    But thankfully there are some like you, who will step up to the challenge of being REAL!

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